Dear Hasbro Product Planners,

Dear Hasbro Product Planners,

The world needs a Dick LeBeau action figure.  It's true.  You know this has been a long time coming and, frankly, I think you've been stubbornly dodging your responsibility for providing high-quality, positive role model toys.  There is an enormous void in the hearts of football fans across this great nation and only a little LeBeau can fill it.

I'm not talking about some crappy bobble-head doll, either.  I'm talking about an indestructible steel figurine with both ball and swivel joints for the arms and legs.  Yeah, that's right.  Bring back "kung-fu grip" while you're at it.  Adorn the mightiest of Coordinators in a black windbreaker and a clipboard containing the ten commandments of defense.  The LeBeau action figure doesn't need an extensive wardrobe, a fast car, or a house in Malibu.  If you absolutely feel it necessary to pad your profits with a few extras, I would suggest a Bruce Ariens doll tethered to the great one's side with a black and gold leash.  (A soft-sculpture Wade Phillips to rest his feet upon is another marketable idea.)

Production of the Dick LeBeau action figure would generate manufacturing jobs in areas badly in need of economic aid.  Such an iconic figure could only be produced by the most skilled artisans of the world, not some cheap sweat shop in the backwoods of Asia.  An American dream carved by American talent for the most American of sports.  That is what the world craves.

Now, I understand this may seem like a daunting task.  So was winning five superbowl rings, but you don't hear the Steelers moaning about it.  To help motivate you in this intensely important project, I have assigned Inside Linebacker Larry Foote to watch over your shoulder and insure proper quality standards.  Yes, he will have his cleats and instructions to use them as necessary.

Thank you, Hasbro Product Planners.