Keystone Zebras Want You

Do you have a bad hip? Arthritic anckles? Dodgey knee? Have you ever walked into something in broad daylight because you have shockingly poor vision? Wondered why you see double while you're sober? Started using a walking stick with a red tip? Have you ever been accused of poor work habits? Incopetence at your job? Realized you are grossly under-qualified for the paycheck you are drawing?

If you answered yes to any or all nof these questions, then the Keystone Referees are looking for you.

You need not have experience, good eye sight, physical ability, a memory, verbal ability, a sense of time, a sense of urgency, adequite hearing, a pulse, good hygene, or a drive to succeed.

You, as a Keystone Referee will partner with the NFL to influence games, frustrate fans and foil fair play.

Through our comprehensive, unsupervised, one hour program you will learn all you need to know to referee in the NFL. You will learn how to throw a flag or not throw a flag, depending on your ability, or disability. You will lean a keen sense of right and wrong and the ability to ignore both. You will learn the fine art of closing your eyes and guessing. You will learn many other things you never thought you could pass off for skills in a career.

And now, thanks to a new program to insure quality by the NFL, your seeing eye dogs, walkers, canes, prosthetics and wheelchairs will be allowed on the field.

What a rewarding career you will have when your performance is no longer judged, reviewed, or held accountable. No longer will you have to worry about job security, a stern superior, peer standards, or inadequacy.

Apply today.