I, like many of you, have been searching for an explanation as to why our beloved Steelers had such a frustrating and unfulfilling 2009 football season, and after digging into the offensive numbers I think I've uncovered it: Bruce Arians is Lucifer.
Don't believe me? Find yourself skeptical? Saying to yourself, "Well, shoot, I don't like him as our OC, but clearly he's not the devil." Well, look at these numbers and think again:
Ben Roethlisberger's completion percentage: 337-506 (66.6%)
Team 4th-down conversion rate: 8/12 (66.6%)
% of 3rd-down plays from an empty set resulting in sacks: 66.6%
OK, I made that last one up. But the proof, as they say, is in the pudding. Bruce Arians is Lucifer, and he sabotaged 2009 to collect his debt for last year's Super Bowl win.
And of course, this also explains why Mike Tomlin didn't fire him...