Because I had a little break at work, I decided to do something fun. You know teams from pee wee to the pros have mascots. Well I want to do something new. I am going to give NFL players a personal mascot. This is meant to be a primer where you can add your own. Let's get this thing started.
We start our tour out in Nashville. In a city that strives on country music, much of which is based on tough breaks and drinking it off, we have an emotionally bankrupt QB. Vince Young may not have a wife that left him, a dog that died and a truck that blew a head gasket, but he sure is down in the dumps. Vince, your mascot is an Emo kid. Dude, you just don't understand. I need your support, team.
Next we go up I-65 and across I-71 to Cincinnati. There we have a self-proclaimed couple calling themselves the Dynamic duo. Sorry but we can't defame the name of the caped crusaders like that, so their new mascots are Beavis and Butthead. Uhhhhh we play against Dick LeBeau's defense. Heheh heheh heheh you said dick. heheh heheh heheh cool.
We travel further up 71 and across I-70 to Pittsburgh. A seemingly quiet man is being picked on. These people don't understand that he is just doing his job. Everything is fine until you make him mad. You wouldn't like him when he's angry. It's too late, James Harrison has become The Hulk. Hulk crush puny humans!
Let's continue down I-70 to I-76 and up 95 to New Jersey. There's a new man in "green". He's starting to "bud" again. He's a shifty as a "roach". He's definitely on a "roll". His name is in all the local "papers". Santonio Holmes' mascot is Bob Marley/rastaman. Ya mon, I found out even though we have fieldturf I can still play on grass.
Further up I-95 we have a stop near Beantown. There we see a prettyboy with an attitude. He's looking kinda hairy these days as well. So I decided his new mascot is scrottie the scrotum. Look at me yall I got ballz.
Our next player has no home at this time. I do however want to give him a mascot. One day he will resurface with someone and he can take that mascot with him. Jeff Reed your mascot is Keggy the Keg. I'm floated right now but I'll get a refill.
I'll end my tour with a stop way down I-95. This last stop is in Carolina. I wanted to be random here, so Brian St. Pierre gets a mascot. Ok, I know who he is. I'm thinking what is he doing in the NFL? In the spirit of what the heck. Brain St. Pierre is the Geoduck.