A Day In The Life Of Punxsutawney Polamalu!

Now that was funny (The commercial)! I don't care who you are. I can just see that guy running around the Steelers facility smacking the players in the nuts. Punxsutawney Polamalu is fearless enough to smack Tomlin in the jewels...but, not one of the Rooneys - Punxsutawney Polamalu is not an animal!

So, here we go:

7:46 AM     Punxsutawney Polamalu wakes, yawns, stretches and climbs out of the shoe box he sleeps in under Casey Hampton's bed. Casey is sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Punxsutawney smacks him in the nuts and runs for the bathroom snickering.

8:07 AM     Casey finds Punxsutawney Polamalu laying in the bottom of the tub hoplessly tangled in his own hair, again. With one hand Hampton picks him up, shakes him out and tosses him into the sink.

8:20 AM     Punxsutawney Polamalu is sitting on Casey's big leather couch when Casey emerges from his room dressed and ready to go to the Steelers facility. P.P. has a big grin on his face and an empty box of donuts sitting beside him. Casey charges.

8:33 AM     Finally, using a broom handle, a canvas sack, a taser and some pepper spray, Hampton is able to corral Punxsutawney and get him out the door of the apartment. On his way out, Hamp smacks the sack with one of those miniature baseball bats he got at a Pirates game

8:54 AM     By the time Casey gets to the Steelers facility and opens his trunk, where anyone knows is the safest place to have Punxsutawney Polamalu travel with them in a car, Punxy is LOOSE! He smacks the Big Snack in the snack-pack and skips into the facility.

8:56 AM     The first person to encounter Punxy Polamalu is James Harrison coming around a corner. Before Polamalu has time to react, he is being carried by his hair like a sack lunch. Harrison takes him to the the first team meating and makes Punxy shine his shoes until it starts.

8:59  AM     Punxsutawney Polamalu never finishes shining Harrisons shoes because Troy Polamalu enters the team meeting room. Quick a greased lightning, Punxy dilivers a particularly vicious three finger stab to Harrison's twins (Milky and Blitz) and when James lets go, sprints accross the room and into Troys Arms (Troy had wanted to keep Punxy, but his wife said no (Actually, "Hell no!") after waking up one to many times with Punxy in the bed and one of his hands on one of her twins).


9:00 AM     Tomlin starts the meeting while keeping a careful eye on Punxy (Now sitting quietly on Troy's lap while Troy brushes his hair) while he caresses the taser on his belt. Everyone caries one at the Steelers facility.

9:28 AM     While Tomlin diagrams something-or-other on the board at the front of the room, Hines Ward leans over an flicks Punxsutawney Polamalu on the ear. It was a good one, everyone heard it. Tomlin quickly turns, Ward and Punxy both pretend nothing happened. Ward just smiles. Punxy plots as he plays with Troy's car keys.

10:00 AM    The meeting beaks up and the team heads out to the practice field where Big Ben terrorizes Punxsutawney Polamalu by firing footballs at him when no one is looking. Most people in the know, say this is how Big Ben developed his accuracy.

10:41 AM    Increasingly frustrated with Ben's accuracy and oppurtunities on this day, Punxsutawney sneeks up on Jeff Reed and dilivers a crushing upercut to Jeff's future family. Punxy walks away smiling and pointing at a gasping Reed, as if to say, "That one was for the towel dispenser".

11:00 AM    The workout breaks up and the players split into different groups to study some film. Because the lights will be out, Punxy is locked in a cupboard with some Palyboys, a maglight and some Doritos. This is done as a precaution after the incident of summer 2006 where Punxy started slowly in the dark to tag players in their softest tissues (Quite hard to do when a grown man is sitting, but Punxy is an artist at his craft), and in the ensuing minutes of darkness, panic, grunting and jabbing, Punxsutawney Polamalu achieved his personal best by laying out every single player, coach and support staff in the room. It was not pretty (Remember the slow start in 2006? Just sayin').

12:00 PM    LUNCH! Only Hamp beats Punxy Polamalu to the lunch room.

12:18 PM    Farrior is the first person to notice that, while Punxsutawney Polamalu's food tray was at his seat beside Troy, Punxy himself was not. James Farriors sudden gasp alerted those around him and the rest of the room soon realized the peril. As quickly as the crises began, it was over when William Gay went face down into his Sloppy Joe. Even though Punxy soon appeared at Troy's side, everyone kept their legs crossed, even the ladies from the training staff.

1:00 PM     From 1 pm to 2 pm PP did what he did every Monday through Friday from 1pm to 2pm, he stood outside Dan Rooney's office door holding a small lamp. This was the result of a deal that Dan Rooney had with Punxy Polamalu where the later would act as an office jockey of sorts until the day Punxy could score a hit on the big boss. So far, Rooney had demonstrated why he was the master, even going as far on several occasions to pop the little guy in his cherrys.

2:00 PM     Punxy sighs as he leaves Dan's office. He used to go watch porn on Larry Zerlien's computer at this time of day, but...Well, you know.

2:03 PM     PP buroughs into the bottom of Troy's locker among the dirty shoes, socks, gloves and joskc straps and is quickly asleep. No one wakes him if they don't have to.

5:00 PM     Troy shakes Punxy awake, hugs him goodby for the day and hands him to Hamp. Frimly holding Punxsutawney Palamalu's hand, Casey walkes him out to his car. Punxy's feet never touch the ground.

5:10 PM     Hamp pulls into McDonalds thinking he would let Punxy loose in the kiddy play area (Punxsutawney Polamalu loves children - In a good way!)) while Casey downed items one through ten on the menu. As soon as Big Snack opened the door to the restaurant, he knew there was going to be trouble, because there stood a bengals fan, wearing the number 85 no less.

5:20 PM     Leaning against the trunk of his car and watching the ambulance pull away, Casey states to the police, "I don't know what it was. A Small dog I think". Other witnesses, in their shock and horror, behind haunted eyes, babble about a "Tasmanian Devil".

5:38 PM     Casey returns home and hangs Punxy by his hair on a peg in the hallway while he showers and changes clothes. Punxy Polamalu just hangs there with his arms crossed. He is seriously not pleased.

6:00 PM     Casey and Punxy head to the Penguins game. While walking in, the crowd is thick, and when Casey looks down, he realizes that Punxy has slipped his leash. Hamp breaks out in a cold sweat. It was like a shark in the ocean, you just didn't know where he was and when he would attack.A couple of pretty girls go, "Ooh!", and slap the guys behind them. And then, approximately thirty seconds later, a mounted policeman's horse goes to its knees. Hamp is relieved. Punxy watches the game hanging from the top of the rinkside glass an growling at the opposing players.

9:00 PM     Because Punxy behaved at the game, Casey lets him ride in the front of the car. PP stands on the passenger seat and sticks his head out the window as they drive through the city of Pittsburgh.

9:12 PM     Casey gets a ticket for not having Punxy in a child seat.

9:38 PM     Punxy rings a doorbell. When Mike Tomlin opens the door, Punxy delivers his pantented two handed, for fingered stab to the Tomlin family pride and gufaws the whole way back to Hamp's car as Tomlin lays on his front porch, at a loss for words, or at least, good ones.

10:20 PM    Hamp and Punxy return home. They both get into their Steelers pajamas and Casey reads Punxy a bedtime story. Something about "Punxy And The Three Browns". Punxy falls asleep and Casey tucks him into his shoe box.