CNN is reporting that last night while on supervised leave from prison;

Plaxico Burress accidently shot Santonio Holmes in the leg at a night club causing Mr. Holmes to throw a drink in Ben Roethlisberger's face which caused Mr. Roethlisberger to accidentally grope the nearest waitress. The sound of the shot startled Jeff Reed, causing him to accidentally smash the men's room towel dispenser, startling Matt Spaeth who then lost control of his bladder. They will all meet with Roger Goodell in the morning.