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NFL to Expand Season as Long as It Takes to Permanently Injure Ray Lewis

NEW YORK—NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced plans Monday to expand the 2011-2012 football season from the usual 16 games to as many as it takes for Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis to suffer a career-ending injury. "We know what millions of loyal football fans really want to see: more games, and Ray Lewis suffering a catastrophic head or knee injury that keeps him off the field forever, so this is just a total win-win," said Goodell, adding that if necessary, the Ravens would play 15 games in a row against the Saints and their top-ranked offensive line. "Eighteen, 20, 30 games—hell, we'll play 50 games if [Lewis] still has any sensation from the waist down whatsoever." League officials added that if the 14-year veteran were somehow still standing after 72 games, they would remain open to backing over him with a truck and starting the playoffs the following week.



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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Classic!

On the other hand, Deebo has said he will tear up his contract if the NFL expands the regular season….I think I’d rather have Deebo than see Lewis cry. Although, the two options are pretty close together.

"I am a total flaming homo"

- by biggcat on Sep 3, 2010 4:45 AM PDT

by Steel Spike on Sep 4, 2010 3:56 PM EDT reply actions  

Do you write

for the Onion?

"You learn more in failure than you do in success." - Mike Tomlin

by Rebecca Rollett on Sep 4, 2010 5:38 PM EDT reply actions  

That's from the Onion.

Note the symbol at the end of tha article.

"I'm the man. Write it down."--Bubby Brister

by DwightWhite's Missing Tooth on Sep 4, 2010 5:43 PM EDT up reply actions  

Oh, of course!

I thought it had that Onion-like flavor about it. It was really fun.

"You learn more in failure than you do in success." - Mike Tomlin

by Rebecca Rollett on Sep 4, 2010 8:09 PM EDT up reply actions  

yes it was

good selection DWMT

How do I break it to the cat that since he has been declawed, the rabbit he sees in our backyard would kick his sorry butt?

by Cold_Old_Steelers_Fan on Sep 4, 2010 9:49 PM EDT up reply actions  

fanshot

kinda wast and classless, no body wants to see players get hurt even if their rival players

"If I could start my life all over again, I would be a professional football player, and you damn well better believe I would be a Pittsburgh Steeler." Jack Lambert
"Going after the QB is like playing king of the mountain. When you get the QB, you're on top of the mountain." Joe Greene."I believe the game is designed to reward the ones who hit the hardest. If you can't take it, you shouldn't play." Jack Lambert. "I'm a steeler fan, you damn well better believe I'm better than you". Yours truly

"I beat rival fans like Woodley beats QBs......With a club!!!!" yours truly

by H-burgSTEELfanatic on Sep 5, 2010 12:16 PM EDT reply actions  

It's called satire. Not to be taken literally.

There are clues that this is satire all through the article.

"I'm the man. Write it down."--Bubby Brister

by DwightWhite's Missing Tooth on Sep 5, 2010 12:31 PM EDT up reply actions  

yes i know that, but still.

"If I could start my life all over again, I would be a professional football player, and you damn well better believe I would be a Pittsburgh Steeler." Jack Lambert
"Going after the QB is like playing king of the mountain. When you get the QB, you're on top of the mountain." Joe Greene."I believe the game is designed to reward the ones who hit the hardest. If you can't take it, you shouldn't play." Jack Lambert. "I'm a steeler fan, you damn well better believe I'm better than you". Yours truly

"I beat rival fans like Woodley beats QBs......With a club!!!!" yours truly

by H-burgSTEELfanatic on Sep 5, 2010 1:03 PM EDT up reply actions  

It was funny.

" Just go and lay your hand on a Pittsburgh Steeler fan, and then I think you'll finally understand"

" In America" Charlie Daniels Band

by idiscgolftexas on Sep 5, 2010 1:54 PM EDT up reply actions  

as classless as… quoting yourself in your signature? twice?

by klompus on Sep 5, 2010 8:15 PM EDT up reply actions  

yes thats exactly what i ment

"If I could start my life all over again, I would be a professional football player, and you damn well better believe I would be a Pittsburgh Steeler." Jack Lambert
"Going after the QB is like playing king of the mountain. When you get the QB, you're on top of the mountain." Joe Greene."I believe the game is designed to reward the ones who hit the hardest. If you can't take it, you shouldn't play." Jack Lambert.

by H-burgSTEELfanatic on Sep 5, 2010 11:36 PM EDT up reply actions  

Man, people have been on fire this week! Another outstanding and hilarious post. What does the symbol at he end mean?

by worldtrip on Sep 5, 2010 11:31 PM EDT reply actions  

it means the article

is from “the onion”

http://www.theonion.com/

How do I break it to the cat that since he has been declawed, the rabbit he sees in our backyard would kick his sorry butt?

by Cold_Old_Steelers_Fan on Sep 6, 2010 1:27 AM EDT up reply actions  


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