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I hate em and they stank! Reasons to hate The Packers



I've been poasting more lately due to increased free time (read decreased working hours) and thought I'd help fire up stiller nation and BTSC nation with this timely poast.

I hate many things in this world, and many of those things stank. I shall explain to you all some of the reasons why I hate the Cream Bay Packers in this poast

 

The hateability and stankyness of Cream Bay doesn't come as easily as it does for say a team like the Jets or Purple Browns, whose stankyness reaches so high that we have yet to find life on another planet. Probably because the stench deters other lifeforms from even nearing our galaxy.

 

However with some brief ponderation I was able to come up with several reasons why I hate the Packers and why they stank.

 

1. They put cheese on their heads, and we all know cheese stanks. Seriously. How lame is it that your teams pride and joy is cheese? Cheese? Really? Could that be any more French and fruity? Why not roses and wine at that point? Or Teddy bears? I hate it and it stanks. Real teams pride themselves on manly things, such as steel for instance.

2. They have a bunch of championships from 1775. And they'll never let us forget about yet. Yes we know your team used to matter back when England still ruled these fair lands and Alaska wasn't even a state yet! Come on. To be a valid team, you have to have won your championships when the 50 US states and their flag existed. I hate it and it stanks!

3. It's really cold in Cream Bay. I lived in Detroit and Pittsburgh and so therefore am familiar with cold. But sweet god its colder than a witch's teat up there. Its a marvel people survive in such hospitable climates without being eaten by polar bears. I wonder what percentage of Cream Bay's fans are Eskimos? I hate the cold and it stanks.

4. This is the franchise that let loose satan's bastard child from the deepest bowels of hells, Brett Favre. I could literally write three poasts on how much I hate him and he stanks. Those responsible should be tried in an international court for crimes against humanity.

5. Wisconsin is in Canada. Touching on point 3, this part of the country is in a bizarre location. Canada has borders geographically south and north of Cream Bay. If you can go south to get to Canada, and north to get to Canada, you must be in Canada. I propose we send this team to the CFL. I hate Canada and it stanks.

6. Mike Holmgren won't accept that he just sucks. Since his ascension into morbid obesity, anything Mike Holmgren touches goes to crap. See Seahawks and Browns. This guy got ONE ring here in Cream Bay and then exploded at the waistline and became as useful as a poopy flavored lollypop, but every time he does something we get a highlight reel from 1996 that they probably had to play back with a VCR player. I hate MIke Holmgren and he stanks. 

7. Theyre in the NFC. If you had two children, and one was a talented genius, and the other was retarded, the latter would be the NFC. Only in the NFC can you have 10 different champions in 10 years, meaning basically everybody gets a shot at a title (except Detroit) . I hate the NFC and it stanks!

8. People from Wisconsin aren't attractive. Most people from Cream Bay clearly enjoy their cheese. Morbid obesity, something I hate (and it stanks) is rampant like vampirism in Transylvania. Of course, inbred eskimo children fed on a diet of pure cheese aren't exactly going to win any pageants. I want good looking girls. Western PA isn't exactly Hollywood either, but we're better than that place up there.

9. Aaron Rodgers is better than Big Ben. Of course this is the media opinion. We're hearing them talk about how BOTH QB's can get validation as Elite QB's. Wait wait wait. Doesn't Ben have TWO more rings? Yet both are at an equal stage in their careers. What are they smoking and where can I get some? If Ben could throw in the NFC he'd probably have astronomical numbers too. I hate the fantasy football QB knob slobbing media and they stank.

10. Lombardi's name is on the trophy. I think the name of the trophy should change when a team has the most of them. Should be called the Rooney trophy now. Its only fitting. Hell Lombardi didn't even like the idea of it and he won it back when it was really easy and stuff. I hate Vince Lombardi and he stanked.


I hope you found this poast helpful in your hatred building exercises for the week. It's very important to build up that hate before the big game so you can come out firing and drinking on all 16 cylinders.

 

Steel is stronger than Cheese. This shall be proven in mere days.

 

Note: While moast of this poast is true, obviously its a relatively sarcastic poast, keep your cool.

 

But I do hate em and they stank.

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