If he could bet, I'd be broke.
New England Tape Burners at Pittsburgh Steelers
Woodley farts in Brady’s zip code and gets flagged for a personal foul. Cue Renegade: Steelers by 10.
San Diego Chargers at Kansas City Chiefs
If Congress is the opposite of progress, then Norv Turner is Congress. Chiefs by 4.
Detroit Lions at Denver Broncos
“Get the Cart!” Donkey Kong Suh eats Tebow’s liver. Orton provides the sauce. Lions by 10.
Minnesota Vikings at Houston Texans
The Lone Star State? What kind of idiots advertise that they’re only one-star? Texans, that’s who. Vikings on principle.
Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles
I shared a kennel at the Washington Area Rescue League with some of Mike Vick’s dogs. So, the Eagles should lose by 456,222. But I can’t pick the Cowboys to do anything but give Jerry Jones a swirlie. Line off.
Cleveland Browns at San Francisco Forty-Niners
If Harbaugh’s mad at Pat Shurmur, he should just sniff his but – guaranteed problem solver. Niners by 20.
Arizona Cardinals at Baltimore Cravens
Baltimore gets a tune up before their beat down next week. Cravens in a squeaker.
New Orleans Saints at St. Louis Rams
New Orleans has the Saints. St. Louis has the Cardinals. Pujols throws 3 TDs, but the Rams still lose by 70.
Washington Redskins at Buffalo Bills
Shanahan has a bumper sticker: “My linebacker beat up your honor student QB.” Redskins by 5.
Cincinnati Bengals at Seattle Seahawks
They’re the Bengals, so they’ve got to screw it up. Not this week. Bengals by 8.
Indianapolis Colts at Tennessee Titans
Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Titans pick up the easy victory.
Miami Mahi Mahi at New Jersey Giants
Even the Colts could beat the fish. New Jersey by 14.