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Missing and Presumed Humbled

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via 2.bp.blogspot.com

Brett Cottrell Blog

MISSING:                 The Pittsburgh Steelers defense. 

LAST SEEN:            1st half of last year’s AFC Championship Game.

WARNINGS:            DO NOT APPROACH or try to apprehend the suspect J. Harrison, as recent photographic evidence indicates that he is well-armed.  T. Polamalu is well-coiffed and C. Hampton well-fed, but neither appears to present an immediate danger.  Still, approach with extreme caution: C. Hampton has been known to feed on anything that moves.  B. McFadden and W. Gay do not pose a current threat and may be approached at will. 

 

MISSING:                 Pittsburgh Steelers offense.

LAST SEEN:            1st half of last year’s AFC Championship Game.

WARNINGS:            None.  The Steelers offense does not pose a threat to anyone, even though their behavior is extremely erratic.  They appear to be giving away all their possessions.  If you find any of their fumbles or interceptions, please return them immediately.  The offensive line has been in hiding since 2007, only revealing themselves sporadically. Although some of their younger members have been spotted occasionally, we do not expect that you will find them as a cohesive unit anytime soon.  If you see Kemoeatu, approach with curious caution: authorities have been trying for years to discover the contents of his beard, and would appreciate any tips.  The working theory is that it contains a psychological device that inspires terror in ordinary mortals, one side of roast beef and two gallons of gravy.

 

Please contact Captain Tomlin at once if you have any information that may lead to the whereabouts of the Pittsburgh Steelers offense or defense.

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