via 2.bp.blogspot.com

Pittsburgh Steelers at Houston Texans

Texas is dumb and has big hair.  Can we give it back?  Steelers by 5.

Detroit Lions at Dallas Cowboys

Jerry Jones’s face lift makes me hate him.  Donkey Kong Suh and Megatron by 10.

Denver Broncos at Green Bay Packers

John Elway’s teeth scare me.  They block out the sun.  Packers by 13.

Carolina Panthers at Chicago Bears

Cats are made of fluffy meat.  Urlacher likes fluffy meat.  Bears by 14.

Miami Dolphins at Sand Diego Chargers

In the NBA Norv Turner is pronounced "Don Nelson." Bolts by 7.

Tennessee Titans at Cleveland

Mike Holmgren’s mustache filters krill and Peyton Hillis’s fumbles.  Munchak’s munchkins by 7.   

Minnesota Vikings at Kansas City Chiefs

If this craptastic game is televised in your viewing area, move. 

Washington Redskins at St. Louis Rams

The Redskins’ ketchup and mustard uniforms remind me of hot dogs. I like hot dogs.  Capital Condiments by 4.

New Orleans Saints at Jacksonville Jaguars

Jacksonville has a football team?  When did this happen?  Saints by 20.

San Francisco Forty-Niners at Philadelphia Eagles

I shared a kennel at the Washington Area Rescue League with some of Mike Vick’s dogs. Rice-a-Roni by 456,222.

New York Giants at Arizona Cardinals

Frauds.  Truth in Advertising: The Phoenix Strip Malls beat the Wall Street Pirates by 12.

Atlanta Falcons at Seattle Seahawks

Birds of a loser-feather flock together.  Then I eat them.  Seahawks by 2.

New England Patriots at Oakland Raiders

Cheaters never prosper, and sometimes they blow 21 point leads to the Bills. Raiders by 14.  (Red Sox are back to their loser ways.  All is right in Beantown.)

New York Jets at Baltimore Ravens

Coach Ryan’s wife’s feet kick the game-winning field goal in fetish time.

Indianapolis Colts at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Radio Raheem and his young pups do what the Steelers couldn’t do – win convincingly when they should.  Bucs by 20.