Texas is dumb and has big hair. Can we give it back? Steelers by 5.
Jerry Jones’s face lift makes me hate him. Donkey Kong Suh and Megatron by 10.
John Elway’s teeth scare me. They block out the sun. Packers by 13.
Cats are made of fluffy meat. Urlacher likes fluffy meat. Bears by 14.
In the NBA Norv Turner is pronounced "Don Nelson." Bolts by 7.
Tennessee Titans at Cleveland
Mike Holmgren’s mustache filters krill and Peyton Hillis’s fumbles. Munchak’s munchkins by 7.
If this craptastic game is televised in your viewing area, move.
The Redskins’ ketchup and mustard uniforms remind me of hot dogs. I like hot dogs. Capital Condiments by 4.
Jacksonville has a football team? When did this happen? Saints by 20.
San Francisco Forty-Niners at Philadelphia Eagles
I shared a kennel at the Washington Area Rescue League with some of Mike Vick’s dogs. Rice-a-Roni by 456,222.
Frauds. Truth in Advertising: The Phoenix Strip Malls beat the Wall Street Pirates by 12.
Birds of a loser-feather flock together. Then I eat them. Seahawks by 2.
Cheaters never prosper, and sometimes they blow 21 point leads to the Bills. Raiders by 14. (Red Sox are back to their loser ways. All is right in Beantown.)
Coach Ryan’s wife’s feet kick the game-winning field goal in fetish time.
Radio Raheem and his young pups do what the Steelers couldn’t do – win convincingly when they should. Bucs by 20.