Does it get any worse than the AFC championship game this Sunday? Ravens vs Patriots, Belicheat, Brady, Flacco, Ray Ray... and it's all practically in my backyard. People up here have been asking me all week, "Who are you going to root for on Sunday?" I keep saying, "I'm rooting for an apocalypse. I'm rooting for aliens to come down and abduct Brady and Rice and Welker and Lewis and Gronkowski and Reed. I'm rooting for Goodell to announce that they've discovered more cheating issues, so they're disqualifying the Patriots and putting the Steelers into the game instead. I'm rooting for the game to be preempted by Heidi. I'm rooting for the cameras to find Giselle in the crowd while she's making out with some guy wearing black and gold. I'm rooting for Belichick to be strangled by the strings of his own hoodie." People then ask, "Well, if you bet on the game, who would you pick?" I reply, "I'd bet that Brady whines the first time he is hit. I bet that Belichick will never change expression on the sideline. I bet that the Ravens will whine about the officiating if they lose. I bet that, win or lose, in his press conference Belichick will say, 'They're a great team. They do a lot of things well. We did some things well. Other things we didn't.' I bet that Suggs will get at least one 15 yard penalty. I bet that Oher will have at least two false starts. I bet that Flacco will look ridiculous on the sidelines with that stupid mustache. I bet that the announcers will gush on and on and on about Brady and Ray Lewis, even when they're not doing anything. I bet that I'm going to be so happy that one of them is going to lose but so annoyed that one of them is going to the Super Bowl.
How could the football gods be so cruel? There is no match up more odious than Ravens vs Patriots. Steeler fans don't deserve this. One shout out here to Mr. Mechem. I think we need a special hate guide for this game. Lay down the vitriol on both teams, because, as the man says, "I hate em and they Stank!!!"