Charles LeClaire-US PRESSWIRE - Presswire
Pittsburgh at Tennessee:
Let's analyze this game rationally if you will. The Titans are so baffled offensively, Smooth Jimmy wouldn't trust their offensive line to block a phone number, let alone an NFL defensive player; their running back looks like he has desire right now as Jabba the Hut and their best offensive player has spent more time in jail than in the end zone over the course of his career. But yeah, Matt Hasselbeck should be able to save that. Steelers could field the Pitt Panther lineup ... from 1986 and still win this game. Smooth Jimmy likes the Steelers big.
Oakland at Atlanta:
Smooth Jimmy could probably tell you at least 50 percent of every roster in the NFL off the top of his head; yet he still can't figure out who is impersonating the head coach in Oakland. The Falcons rarely lose at home, and when they do, it's not to the Raiders. Falcons in a route.
Dallas at Baltimore:
Smooth Jimmy is pickin' the Ravens, because they will spend all afternoon doing the same to Tony Romo ... Ba-zing. Did Smooth Jimmy really hear this week the Cowboys are 98-98 this century? Nothing like spending billions of dollars on mediocrity, right? Nope, no joke there. It's just sad, that's all. Ravens move to 5-1.
Cincinnati at Cleveland:
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME UNDERACHIEVEING ATHLETES PLAYING A GAME THAT RESEMBLES AMERICAN FOOTBALL?????? Oh, sorry, you'll have to go elsewhere, Cleveland doesn't have a lingerie football team. Smooth Jimmy did receive an email this week that DirecTV Sunday ticket blacked out this game nationally to appease customers. That being said, Browns get their first W of the season welcoming Joe Haden back.
St. Louis at Miami:
Smooth Jimmy loves these games, no joke. Two surprise teams playing in make or break games. If the Rams get a win, they are 4-2 and desperately need it with a brutal schedule upcoming ... go ahead and check it, we can wait ... told you. If the Dolphins get the win, they are all the sudden a 3-3 team choked away a Jets win. After this week, one of these teams will be a compelling story, which at the beginning of the season would be a punch-line. Smooth Jimmy is going to take the Rams and Jeff Fischer's mustache to win.
Indianapolis at New York Jets:
Remember when RGIII beat the Saints week one and everyone anointed him the second-coming of Jesus? Well, the Saints are bad, RGIII is concussed and Andrew Luck just reminded everyone last week with a big EFF You that he was the No. 1 pick in the draft for a reason. Smooth Jimmy has no reason to think the Jets can stop that. And does anyone else find it funny Smooth Jimmy was able to type two sentences with references to the Jets and Jesus and not mention Tebow ... &%(@. Colts win on the road.
Detroit at Philadelphia:
How are the Eagles 3-2?? Have they done anything ANYONE ANYWHERE has liked this season? Top to bottom, is there one aspect of this team anyone likes other than LeSean McCoy, who Andy Reid refuses to use at the goal-line despite Michael Vick fumbling every time he gets hit? That seems very (pun alert, pun alert!!!!!!) Shady to Smooth Jimmy. The Eagles might be the worst 3-2 football team Smooth Jimmy has ever seen!!! And yet, they will beat the pitiful Lions at home. Sometimes Smooth Jimmy hates the NFL.
Kansas City at Tampa Bay:
Does anyone really care about this game at all? Is it ok if we just skip it? Even Brady Quinn and Josh Freeman's parents will be checking the TV listings to see if something better is on. Chiefs win because they are at home.
Buffalo at Arizona:
Upset alert!!! The Cardinals get a big win at home against the Bills. Hmm, really, the St. Louis Cardinals are 4-1?? And now you're telling me they moved to Phoenix??? Unbelievably you are right, Smooth Jimmy did mail this selection in. Bills in an upset.
New England at Seattle:
Smooth Jimmy really wants to pick the Seahawks with the clichéd line about how it's so tough to win there and for a team to travel coast to cost. But he keeps thinking about Tom Brady vs. Russell Wilson and Bill Belichek vs. Pete Carroll. Go ahead and pick against Smooth Jimmy, but you won't feel good about it. Try it ... see what Smooth Jimmy means? Patriots by a touchdown.
New York Giants at San Francisco 49ers:
The 49ers became the first team in NFL history last week to run and pass for 300 yards in the same game, and the Giants defense does not defend neither the run or pass very well; easy right? No? Still like the Giants? The 49ers lost a tough physical battle to the Vikings for their only loss (who are 4-1 by the way), while the Giants have lost to the Cowboys and Eagles this season!! Still not convinced? The Giants were down 14-0 to the Browns last week and Brandon Weeden threw for 300 yards. Yep, that did it. 49ers win convincing close game.
Minnesota at Washington:
The Vikings play good defense against the run and aren't atrocious against the pass. The Vikings can run the football and are passing with extreme efficiency. They have two of the best offensive playmakers in the game in Percy Harvin and Adrian Peterson. The Redskins, despite the shot at RGIII earlier, have one of the dynamic rookie QB's in the league and a running-back who has done something only Eric Dickerson has done in the NFL. Their defense nearly helped them beat the best offense in the NFL last week despite missing its best two players. This is a sneaky good game because it's in Washington, but Smooth Jimmy always finds the angles, and it's Blair Walsh vs. TBD-Kicker. Has Billy Cundiff been cut by Washington yet? Someone check, if not, he will be. Kicking will be the edge here, Vikings by a FG.
Green Bay at Houston:
Packers backs against the wall, Houston on Sunday night for the first time its existence. Both have high-power offenses, but that's about where the comparisons end. Green Bay can't block, run, stop the run or pass and missed a FG to tie the game last week against the Colts. Other than that though, they are fine. Smooth Jimmy likes the most complete team in the league by a fair margin.
Denver at San Diego:
Huge game for both teams, and is it possible Denver is a little better than their 2-3 record? The Broncos have lost to the Falcons, Texans and Patriots this season. Are the Broncos going to win the Super Bowl, probably not, but can they win the AFC West? Well the Raiders and Chiefs certainly aren't. So, that leaves these two teams and when in doubt, pick the team that has faced better competition, unless they are bad, and Denver isn't. And Norv Turner isn't their coach. Broncos come-from behind and actually win this week late.