Am I in the wrong here? Am I the only person who found the subtle message in South Park's recent episode about Sarcastaball - a mockery of football's recent attention paid to the supposed need for safety - to be absolutely hilarious and well-said?
I'm not afraid to admit my barbaric, savage nature. I find absolutely nothing wrong with the statement recently made by Titans defensive coordinator Jerry Gray, who said "great football players have to put that out of their mind. You have to say, 'This is my territory between the numbers, and if you throw the football you better bring the Gator truck.' And that's how you have to play. You can't play timid in the NFL."
The league is "investigating" his comments, which is a shorter way of saying they're investigating the Titans for evidence of some kind of bounty program or pay-for-injury kind of system.
Like in Sarcastaball, the league would prefer if Gray nursed his team's polite side. There shouldn't be any public talk about the violence of the game that brings billions of dollars into the league. We should all quietly turn away when a player gets "jacked up," because now the league is concerned about its image.
And Gray should be forced to make a statement about the statement he made.
"This is football, but my choice of words under the circumstances was probably bad,'' he said. "If I could take that part of it back, I would. I don't want guys thinking about injuring people, and when you say 'Gator truck' that's probably what comes up. I just want our guys to be tougher."
Not too tough, coach. We can't let kids grow up thinking this game is violent, mean-spirited and aggressive. It's not like there's an entire facility in which fans can pay $20 per person to enter and see all the great players of the game who were as brutal and violent as Ghengis Khan's horde placed on display for future adulation and worship.
That money, along with the fines incurred by your players and colleagues, goes straight into the fund from which the government pays to save the rainforests, end world hunger and defeat terrorism.
We should also ignore your team's lack of toughness will directly correlate to your coaching, and therefore, endanger your future earning power. The NFL has scores of employees paid to do nothing but monitor your comments and view them as sworn testimony.
Watch what you say, coach, priests, veiled virgins and Big Brother are watching your every move. Your Titans come to Pittsburgh, an area known for polite, easy-going football players and fans, who want nothing more than non-confrontational, laid-back gridiron participants who are less concerned with preventing the Steelers from exerting their will upon your team, and more concerned with making money off what they decry.
It's not a double-standard. The NFL says so, it must be true.