This band of injured third-stringers, practice squaders, rejects and receivers off the street will keep it close, but the Steelers will still win. Steelers by 10.
Pittsburgh Steelers at Cleveland Browns: Willie Wonka spells out the Falcon’s chances. Bucs by 8.
Atlanta Falcons at Tampa Bay Buccaneers:
This Texans team is ruining my theory that nothing – nothing – good comes from Texas. Texans by 10.
Houston Texans at Detroit Lions: RG3PO to Jabba the Jones: "Greetings, Exalted One. Allow me to introduce myself. I am RG3PO, Jedi Knight and friend to Captain Snyder. I know that you are powerful, mighty Jabba, and that your anger with Snyder must be equally powerful…As a token of my goodwill, I present to you a gift: this ass-whuppin." ‘Skins by 10.
Washington Redskins at Dallas Cowboys: Patriots are overrated. Unfortunately, the Jets aren’t even rated. Patriots by 5.
New England Patriots at NY Jets: Clubber Lang lets Brees know what’s in store for him.
San Francisco 49ers at New Orleans Saints:
The Bears aren’t retreating, they’re just advancing in another direction. Vikings by 3.
Minnesota Vikings at Chicago Bears: For Oakland Raiders at Cincinnati Bengals: Carson Palmer’s homecoming, the Bengals should play Carrie on the Jumbotron. Bengals by 10.
Football is God’s way of teaching Bill’s fans suffering. Colts by 7.
Buffalo Bills at Indianapolis Colts: The Chiefs have a great shot in this game. Heck, if the Broncos’ plane crashes on the way to KC, the Chiefs could probably win by five or ten. Broncos by 10.
Denver Broncos at Kansas City Chiefs: South Beach hasn’t given us anything this bad since the Miami Sound machine. Seahawks by 10.
Seattle Seahawks at Miami Dolphins: I dare you to find one person, just one, who cares about this game. Titans by who-gives-a-damn.
Tennessee Titans at Jacksonville Jaguars: Even a broken clock is right twice a day. Norv, I’m talking to you. Chargers by 5.
Baltimore Ravens at San Diego Chargers: The Cards are going to win because of their defense. So long as Docket plays fullback and St. Louis Rams at Arizona Cardinals: Adrian Wilson plays QB. Cards by 1.
Mike McCarthy or HR Pufnstuf? You be the judge. Giants by 10.
Green Bay Packers at NY Giants:
I shared a kennel at the Washington Animal Rescue League with some of Mike Vick’s dogs. Panthers by 456,222.
Carolina Panthers at Philadelphia Eagles:
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