via 2.bp.blogspot.com

Pittsburgh Steelers host the Kansas City Chiefs: There’s only one Chief in Pittsburgh, and his name is Rooney. Steelers by 10.

Indianapolis Colts at Jacksonville Jaguars: The election proved that it’s hard to pick the loser. Unless the Jaguars are playing. Colts by 4.

NY Giants at Cincinnati Bengals: My favorite 3 things in life: 1) squirrel meat, 2) cat meat, and 3) watching the Bengals crap all over themselves. Giants by 10.

Tennessee Titans at Miami Mahi Mahi: Tennessee’s not full of hillbillies. Hillbillies have more teeth. Miami by 8.

Detroit Lions at Minnesota Vikings: Ndamukong Suh is The Incredible Hulk without Bruce Banner. Lions by 2.

Buffalo Bills at New England Patriots: Now is the winter of our discontent. Or, as Bills fans call it – football season. Patriots by 9.

Atlanta Falcons at New Orleans Saints: The only thing more overrated than the Falcons was Romney’s chance of winning. Saints by 10.

San Diego Chargers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers: I didn’t go to the funeral for the Chargers’ playoff hopes, but I sent a nice letter saying I approve of it. Bucs by 10.

Denver Broncos at Carolina Panthers: Peyton Manning always looks like he’s standing in a fart cloud. Maybe he has indigestion. Broncos by 8.

Oakland Raiders at Baltimore Ravens: Have you seen Terrell Suggs lately? I think he ate Casey Hampton. Ravens by 4.

NY Jets at Seattle Seahawks: If there’s a difference between the Jets and a raging dumpster fire, I’m at a loss to find it. Seahawks by 5.

Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles: I shared a kennel at the Washington Animal Rescue League with some of Mike Vick’s dogs. Cowboys by 456,222.

St. Louis Rams at San Francisco 49ers: Tony Bennett left his heart in San Francisco. Sam Bradford will leave a rib or two. 49ers by 12.

Houston Texans at Chicago Bears: Given the choice between Texas and Hell, I’d choose Hell. Less hair spray, and the Devil only has half the bluster of the Average Texan. Bears by 10. Follow Tico on his blog and on Facebook.