Art Rooney II walks into Steelers draft day War Room and gives a hard stare to all the seated personnel, including Kevin Colbert, Mike Tomlin, Todd Haley, Dick LeBeau, team chaplain Kevin Jordan and many other coaches and scouts. After giving thoughtful look he says: "Winners don't wait for chances, they take them!"
Rooney: Kevin, Mike, my last words should be our motto for today's draft. What you guys think?
Colbert: All right, boss.
Tomlin: Yes Sir, today we're gonna be a first-rate version of ourselves, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
Rooney: Mike, please talk to us like a normal human being not like a smart arse you usually are. You're not giving interviews here. And Kevin, give me pre draft debrief and please include in your report what the heck is our esteemed Chaplain is doing here?
Colbert: All is well so far. Draft board is set. Preliminary trade talks are done with Jets, Titans and Bears. Communication with our guys in New York is double tested. As for our dear Chaplain, he is here under your orders. After Denver game, his counselling was so good that you told us to invite him for every meeting.
Rooney: Oh shacks... completely forgot. Had too many that day. Well, since you're here, Father, please pray for us to get some nice blue chip player.
Chaplain: I'll try to do my best.
Colbert: Ok, gents. Here we go. Draft started.
Rooney: Kevin, our priority is 3 rounds 1000 pounds today?
Colbert: We'll do our best Sir, after asking Ben to tweak his game we gotta give him some O Line help. Hopefully, we'll draft some stud blue chipper O lineman this round.
LeBeau: Does it mean I can go fishing today?
Rooney: Dick, you're stabilising force here. So please stay. But we gonna go offense 1st round. And as far as I remember, things will get interesting for us in the middle of the draft. Therefore, I'll take a break for now. Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you. I'll come back after seeing team doctors.
Tomlin: If you need anything let us know.
Rooney: Nah, I'll be fine. (leaves room)
Tomlin: Gents, 11 picks passed and only 1 O Lineman selected. That's great news for us. Father, please include the name David DeCastro in your prayers. We want that guy. Dick, it's official, after Chiefs pick, we're going offense this round.
Colbert: I believe in miracles... I believe in miracles.
After some more time left, when Seahwaks selected Bruce Irvin with 15th overall pick, the sound of laughter from the War room could be heard in downtown Pittsburgh. Door opens and Art Rooney II enters laughing out loud.
Rooney: Guys, this draft is getting crazy. Seahawks at their best Browns impersonation. I think we have to move now to get our guy DeCastro. Kevin please call Jets and make it happen.
Colbert: I just called them and they said No.
Rooney: Oh shucks... Father pray harder please. We don't want Bungles to take our guy.
Ny Jets select Coples and Bungles select Dre and the everyone is happy in the War Room.
Rooney: Kevin, we want to get in front of Bungles second pick. Remember our motto. Make the trade.
Colbert after calling the teams: San Diego and Titans won't trade. Bears want 3rd and 4th. That's too much. And I think we gotta wait. We still have 3 of the blue chip O Linemen on board. I'd say we wait.
Rooney: If noone is willing to trade down farely with us. We have to come up with some other thing to get our guy. Father, please write down some scary words from the Bible for me please.
Chaplain: What? There are no scary words there.
Rooney: Father, I mean please write down some passage from the Bible which will make Mike Brown from Bengals piss his pants off.
Chaplain: In that case.... (after quickly writing the passage) ...here, take this one.
Rooney calling Mike Brown: Hello Mike, this is Art. I know you're busy today as everyone else, but as a friend of yours I have to warn you buddy.
Brown: Howdy Art. And what it might be ?
Rooney: I came to knowledge that there is a passage Ezekiel 12:1:21. As this year is 2012 and you guys are drafting at 1st round 21. It may directly affect you. I'll read it for you. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
Make your own conclusions, but seems like your pick at 21 will give some nasty results. (Art hangs up).
Chaplain: But, this passage was Ezekiel 25:17. It was even included in the movie Pulp Fiction.
Rooney: Father, I want my boy whatever it takes. This chatter will make Mikey piss his pants off and make him do some crazy shit.
Everyone in the Steelers War Room are elated.
Haley: What if Browns get DeCastro?
Rooney: Will you talk about something else? Distract me so I won't turn around and smack you in the face Todd.
Tomlin: Sir, You should put your seatbelt on. We still can do it. Father say something please.
Chaplain: All is well that ends well.
Rooney: Kevin do something. I can't control myself.
Colbert: I have got so much Patience that I can break the Stone with Ice.
Rooney: I didn't want you to turn into Mike with your smart words. I want DeCastro!
Tomlin: Father, I think your prayers are very good. Please continue praying.
Rooney: Kevin, can we trade with Lions?
Colbert: I believe in miracles... Father say something.
Chaplain: Patience is of the essence.
After the noise of celebrations passes away.
Rooney: Kevin, please send our pick and if you excuse me, I'll call it a day. I'll join you all tomorrow.
Tomlin: As they say - "Never tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon"
Rooney: Yes Mike, we all love you. And father, please join us tomorrow as well. We'll need some more of your divinie interventions. :)