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Submitted for your approval: Steeler names for this year's pledge class

This looks like the best pledge class in years, and we can't wait to see them in Black and Gold. We also can't wait to see them carrying the veterans pads and doing the things that pledges do. But they have to have Steeler names, and since Pledgemaster Ward has graduated, Homer has taken it upon himself to come up with the names they will carry as they pledge Black and Gold House, which is, as we all know, the best house on campus. Here goes:

1) Pledge DeCastro: Mr. Plow. No further explanation needed. Call Mr Plow, that's the name. That name again is Mr Plow. Our pledge class President.

2) Pledge Adams: Mount Adams. He is 6-foot-7 and change, and tips the scales at well over 300 pounds. That's not quite as big as Mount Adams in Washington state, unless you are a defensive end trying to get past him.

3) Pledge Spence: Stinger. He flies around the field seeking his target like a stinger missile. Nuff said.

4) Pledge Ta'amu: Plate Lunch. Pledge Ta'amu will be Brother Hampton's little brother. If Brother Hampton is Big Snack, this Asian Pacific pledge will be Plate Lunch. Two scoops of white rice, one scoop of macaroni salad, and a meat entree with gravy. They call it Hawaiian Barbecue on the west coast and plate lunch all over the Pacific Islands.

5) Pledge Rainey: Zippy the Rain Man. With his speed, he can zip around the field making all kinds of good things happen. Punt returns, blocked kicks, pass receptions out of the backfield.....Pledge Rainey can make it rain, if you know what Homer means.

6) Pledge Beachum: Whizbang. Pledge Beachum helps keep up the House's GPA, having graduated with not only a BA but a Master's Degree. That helps keep us off double secret probation. And he bangs around the offensive line and can play all three positions....hence Pledge Whizbang.

Homer will work on the rest of the Pledge Class as time permits and things develop, and he seeks your suggestions. And he hopes this year's Pledge Class trip will be to the Super Bowl, because - with a class like this - all things are possible.

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