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A Holiday Gift Suggestion from Homer J.

We all know that Christmas came early this year, when we all got a pony on draft day. But Homer needed a little cheering up today. Last night, his Nats blew a 9-0 lead and lost to the Atlanta Braves 11-10. The last five innings of the game were played in a steady rain, and it's still rainy, overcast, and humid. The weekend golf game is out of the question. On the brighter side, the mosquitos are happy.


So Homer was doing a little channel surfing this morning when he discovered that there is, indeed, hope for America and hope for all of us. It's Christmas in July Weekend on QVC, being that this is the weekend farthest from both Christmas past and Christmas future. And they are selling Christmas stuff to America's shopaholic community.


Homer was going through the daily e-mails with the TV providing background noise, when something caught his attention. The happy couple with the pasted on smiles were telling the world about a wonderful new product that you spray into your toilet bowl before doing your business, and it makes your crap smell like lemongrass. Supposedly, four or five spritzes forms a film barrier atop the water, and that traps the foul smelling stuff, keeping your bathroom pleasantly fresh. Certainly the greatest triumph of American ingenuity since that guy combined the plastic spoon and plastic fork and came up with the spork.


And not only did it take a genius to invent this stuff, it took a super genius (like Wile E. Coyote) to come up with the name. Poo-pourri. Really. Poo-pourri. And it's two bottles of the stuff and a portable sprayer to take along in your purse (or manpurse) for only $18.47.


It gets better.


The reason this is on the Christmas in July Weekend is that they have a special Christmas Poo-pourri. Maybe it's specially formulated for Mr Hanky, the Christmas Poo from South Park. But, unlike lemongrass, Christmas Poo-pourri has the scent of holly, citrus, and cinammon. Nothing like adding a festive air (so to speak) to your holiday crapulence.


Unfortunately, they sold out of the stuff, but you can be placed on a waitlist. I am not making this up.


Homer suggests this as a wonderful Christmas gift, especially for Browns and Ravens fans, who are so full of it and in need of the stuff. But don't bother sending any of it to that Tom Brady guy or his hottie wife Gisele, because, as we all know, their shit doesn't stink.


Merry Christmas again, and enjoy your pony.

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