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Dirty Old Baltimore BandAid (A Primer For Coping)


If the thought of Ray Lewis and his feathery cohorts hoisting the Lombardi inspires a level of hate which could make Darth Vader cringe it is in your best interest to deal with these feelings now; bite down on the leather strap and pull. The Ravens have this one sewn up and no amount of Black & Gold Magic will sway what is an unfortunate (depending on which camp you are in) team of destiny in 2012. Baltimore has a scary momentum which begins and ends with their number one male cheerleader Lewis. Reindeers or no his 'last season' theatrics have inspired a rally not unlike The Steelers of 2005 when they won One for the Thumb for Hall of Fame bound Jerome Bettis.

I almost feel kind of bad for San Francisco.

I am no doctor nor do I play one anywhere on film or video and I certainly would not want to suggest the use of anything illegal to my extended football family however should you wish to traverse the avenue of escapism there are a number of distractions within reach.

Liquor/Beer is the classic stand-by; good enough for our founding fathers and winos alike. Bringing people together who want to forget since the beginning of civilization.

'Santonio Holmes' (wink-wink) not for everyone but Queen Victoria was a fan, used it for migraines and menstrual cramps

Straight Edge? Well Yinz can self-medicate too. Excessive eating and loud music through good headphones is sure to drown out the media's second honeymoon with Ray Lewis. Put on Public Enemy's Fear of a Black Planet, Wu-Tang's 36 Chambers, or Slayer's Reign in Blood and listen while you eat an entire pie.

Or you could simply go at this cold-turkey and face the facts that Baltimore and her fans are going to be riding a sick high for months/years after Sunday's game. You will have to bear witness with stone-sober red eyes: Terry Suggs slobber all over the Lombardi trophy, Ray Lewis crying while bro-hugging Jesus, and/or John Harbaugh's weasel face smirk on insurance commercials et al

Whichever method you choose, best to start the coping process now.

But let this be a beacon of hope, I sayeth to Yinz right now while of sober mind and body, have faith in our Steelers, believe. Remember this day, because by 2016 the Steelers will have number 7.

As it is written.

Tical

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