Ok, lets be honest with ourselves. As Steeler fans we expect exhorbatant results from our team, sales que si. But last year's squad had too many unmotivated or oft-injured vets. I think we should be quite excited about the new crop of FA's and draft picks which we have acquired. So let's look at the draft pix...
1. Jarvis Jones-My ideal first rounder. This dude bad AF. Look at the numbers...Do we want an OLB who produces on the field or runs fast and spit (Ansah, Jordan, Mingo, Maybin, etc., etc.). BTW this dude right here... he had the most sacks in the FBS, or some type of stuff.
2. Le'veon Bell- Am I the only of yinz who like this pick? I'd swear I was Mitt Romney at the Democratic National Convention to y'all. This dude is a rock (or hurdle, you know, whatever) star. Look at his highlights my good Steeler fans! His team sucked more than [insert Kim K pun], and still ran for over 1700 yards!!! Good lord Tebow he was a good back. On my personal Shifty board, he was the second back behind Andre Ellington (alas I am an unapologetic Clemson fan). Eddy Lacey unnecessary placemat doilies who.
3. Markus (with a K) Wheaton- I hate fast receivers that can play the slot,.. Almost as much as I'd hate to have Victor Cruz on our team. And people who run a sub 10.6 100 m. don't belong in a sport where speed is at a premium. And we definitely need some random sound engineer in Atlanta offering his 2 cents on a team nearly 700 miles away.
4 (A+). Shamarko Thomas- Can we start with the name. This might be the best name...(hyperbole) ever. My fiancee's name is Zaquis (don't bother attempting to pronounce). I have a french friend with 4 first names (yes, 4, not a lie)-- Jean Pierre Jerome (pronounced more like jell-ohm than what you're thinking) Claudio [last name omitted for safety reasons].
This young safety's name is nearly 14.5 times better than their name's...combined.
Also, he hits like a monster lover and is fast as SHIZ
4 (F----) Landry Jones- This dude right here........... Ok, in all seriousness, (for those who get the reference). This dude right here,,, has never been gradually brought along by a team with impenetrable run blocking and steel solid (see what I did there) defense, and still been average, right? Oh wait, you're tellin' me he won 2 national championships **Tebow or something similar** and is in the record books as an also ran in SEVERAL statistical categories? Why don't we marry him to a white girl and give him several mistresses, which many happen to be porn stars or escorts ;).
5. Terry Hawthorne - I suspect he is from the 1930's.... Other than that though... He is a fairly (6 ft., I'm 6'2'' bitzh) tall. And, he showed a lot of ability in years not so recent due to injury. However, we seem to know how to handle tall corners ( Ivan T. haha, Keenan Whozit, Cortez Allen)
6. Justin Brown - So I says to amble I says... who is Justin Brown? In all seriousness, who is JB? I like his scouting repo.. But.... uh... who this man s'posed to be?
6. (ish) Vince WIlliams - I would never question this choice over Kevin Reddick. Especially considering his one-dimensionality or injury history. But... he will hit the spit outtqa you. So? I no mad.
7. Nicholad Williams - Love the measurables. That is all I can say without lying.