Mike Wallace appears headed for a downward spiral, which he will inevitably drop

Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

Mike Wallace is becoming more and more comparable to the all-time clowns at his position, including his former teammate Plaxico Burress.

The Steelers were in a pawnless offensive funk on Sunday, one that could have been improved by just about any method. Even a deep threat decoy that never actually touched the ball.

That's how the Dolphins used their new wideout in Week One against the Browns. Wallace didn't seem to care...that his team won. He said he didn't want to talk, and that said it all.

When he did talk, he claimed his frustration was geared toward his own performance, and his comments about reporters needing to ask the Dolphins coaches about the game plan were meant to be taken literally.

That makes sense, but it also kind of sounds like someone from Wallace's PR camp convinced him to put out the fire.

Perhaps the Dolphins could fine Wallace for his attempt at ambiguous comments. They could use the money and hire Larry Fitzgerald to explain how a receiver can help his team without actually getting the ball. Well, apparently not this year's Fitzgerald, but he probably remembers the last 3 or 4 years since his brain remained mostly ungelatinized on all those decoy routes.

This may be more of a Keyshawn situation than something in the vein of TO's Psych 101 tragicomedy pageant. Nevertheless, Wallace is headed for the cliched receiver diva designation -- if he wasn't there already. He wasn't overtly vocal about his role this early in Pittsburgh, but somewhere in the back of his mind he must've known that they could easily bench him for pouting to the media since he had not yet become a massive investment. He had little leverage. Miami may as well have written it into his contract. It all but forces them to give Wallace a longer leash, because it would be inconceivably hard for their front office to stomach a $60M malcontented benchwarmer.

Steelers GM Kevin Colbert may have been able to presage this outcome rather easily -- like he did with Plaxico.

Listen Mike, if you absolutely must piece up -- make sure you familiarize yourself with the weapon's safety features.

The Steelers seem like they have this whole wide receiver hustle figured out -- though they may need to reiterate the finer points of field position with Markus Wheaton. They are clearly better off without Wallace, especially since signing him would've further inhibited their efforts to maintain the core of the team. Unless he's secretly a revolutionarily talented left tackle.

Wallace's self-manufactured predicament didn't stop the Dolphins from "dump[ing the] Browns" -- as the AP so eloquently put it via ESPN. So, at least his new team is 1-0. And he vaguely helped his old squad with his halfhearted stoolie-patterns, as Miami's win helped send the AFC North to an 0-4 record on opening weekend.

Thanks for pitching in on the clean slate, One Trick.

But Wallace shouldn't worry too much -- since he's made it clear glory is what he's in it for -- he's sure to be satisfied with the media's coming claim that the Steelers desperately miss him.

Of course, that's nonsense. His absence is an asset for a team that could partially slip into despondency after Week One.

But don't tell Wallace that, he's a sensitive guy -- especially when his team wins.

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