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23 Points off TO's, 0-3... Drowney for Clowney?

When it rains it pours. [Shifty that's so cliche! (Shut up, I'm sad)]

5 turnovers, 23 points against us were a direct result (23!). This was a torrential downpour. I mean, has anyone in the history of football been able to overcome that egregiously placed stumbling block? I mean, 23 (!) points off of turnovers sounds like what happens in a poorly played basketball game.

This game reminded me of an episode of the Looney Tunes. Every time Yosemite Steelers almost got that darn rabbit, they were a faulty firing pin and a backfire away from becoming a punchline.

I swear to Yaweh they did inspiring stuff that made me less suicidal, but did you ever think they were about to get it going and never look back? Ben played good enough to win most games, but ... I swear he was practicing elaborate handshakes with the RB's in his down time. AND I"M CONVINCED the RB's share cafeteria french fries periodically throughout games, #thegreaseisreal.

But, (wait for the point of this ramble) it's still not time to pull the plug! As I sat last night, crying into my beer, listening to a string concerto made up of violin, viola and cello playing squirrels, I asked myself, IS IT TIME TO DROWNEY FOR CLOWNEY? (i.e., tank for a possibly once in a lifetime defensive talent)

Even in the throws of my dimly lit bar scene sadness, I could honestly say ... NO!

Things we think we know: 1) Jadeveon (4 is too many syllables Mr. and Mrs. Clowney, Deveon is a fine name) Clowney is a(n?) historic defensive talent

What Shifty thinks he knows: He very well might be. I'm incredibly impressed with his size, athleticism, intangibles (he has clown in his name!, imagine the possibilities!), strength, and speed. I hope and expect that he will have many Michigan-esque highlights over the course of his pro career. But, I DO NOT WANT HIM ON THE STEELERS [UOENO (it) ayyy! Rocko]. ... Here's why:

This is not speculation, it is a 101 level class theory that's well on its way to being a doctrine: In order to draft Clowney, a team must have the number 1 pick.

0-16 right!?!?

NO! *face slap* GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF MAN! I don't care, we must have more pride than that. AND, bare with me on this one: this season can still be salvaged (more on this later).

Other than a prideful refusal to be a kingdom: donut, phylum: bagel, class: loser, the problem is hardly on defense for our boys. Heck, if da Bears weren't spotted 23 points on face credit (you know, like the local corner store), the defense played well enough (17 is less than 23, right?) to win. Yes, it would be fun to have Clowney (heck it would be fun to have JJ Watt, Demarcus Ware, you get the idea), but what it would take to secure a number one pick is not worth the cost for a team that still has many workable pieces. The lack of turnovers is a concern, but, you know, when it rains it pours.

So, what? Get ready for Teddy?

NO!, because Big Ben is still an eli... I'm just going to save the brain power on that one.

Things we think we know: 0-3! The sky is falling! Apocalypse now! The British are coming! I can't believe its not butter (wait, what are we doing again?)

Ok, so 0-3 teams make the playoffs as often as Muslims eat pork* (they may have tried it a few times a long time ago, but they felt really bad and will never do it again!). *(only 3 times since 1990) But I refuse to give up hope. The Steelers made me feel better in their 3 score loss (weird, right?). And, what is being a fan if not believing that they airplane is going to start flapping its wings even after we lost power to all of the engines?

What Shifty thinks he knows: Things are getting better, at a glacial rate, but better nonetheless. Getting Heath back was very helpful. Playing David Johnson (whom I love as a player, not a popular opinion in this community) more than Paulson seemed to be a good look. Will Johnson, will get healthier. Bell will come back--or, will appear, rather. Dwyer will (fingers crossed) start in London.

Versus the Bears, I loved what we did on offense. No, I'm not a crazy person. I did not like the turnovers (hence the whole crying and miniature violins thing). That won't happen again this season. The runners will stop eating greasy foods mid game. Ben will do like mama taught him and use two hands.

Specifically what I liked: Ben threw for 400 yards. You say he was playing catch up and his numbers are artificially inflated? I say balderdash!!

That's what we need on offense this year. People lament our lack of physicality, myself included. However, we no longer have an unstoppable force called a Bettis that runs over immovable objects known as Urlachers. We certainly don't have bulldozers called Fanecas, Smiths and Simmons any more. We do however, have a big strong quarterback who does ridiculous, improbable, silly, fear inspiring, ingenious, hair brained, magical, ludicrous, unforgettable things that work out in our favor usually (no, i didn't say schoolyard because that's the generic term and I'm weird like that).

Let the man breath. He doesn't go through progressions like a prototypical pocket passer, he goes through instincts, and his are very good. Haley doesn't like/trust/understand this. Square peg, round hole. Let Ben be Ben.

Final thought: Antonio Brown must've read my post last week and felt some type of way (Rich, Homie, Quan, dating, my, self). WoW! Awesome performance. I did notice *hater alert* Ben finessed his way into a few of the completions to Brown; but the man has talent. I still believe he's not great at creating his own receptions, but he is AMAZING when he gets touches. And, before I draw too much criticism for hateration, 2 TD's using 3 hands and 200 yards? Can you say ballatician?

Alas, I must leave you fellow nation, but eyes to the future, wind to our wings, don't lose in front of the British and Steelers for life.

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