The quarterback position is the most valuable in all of sports.
Yes, including the one where guys drive around a track. I'm sure they could get a computer to press the accelerator, just watch Knight Rider. Did it all the time.
Former quarterbacks look to key in on gimmick-based virtual resumes to help maximize their relevancy. For former Redskins quarterback Joe Theismann, it seems the only deals he's making involve urinary flow difficulties.
From Super Bowls to Super Betas, Theismann is running low on options. He's now requesting assistance from NBA MVP LeBron James.
"I would love to work him out and also serve as his agent," Theismann said in a phone interview Saturday with FOX Sports Florida. "I'll go wherever he wants this summer. He could play another four years in the NBA before seriously trying the NFL."
Theismann is right (something fans have not said very often in their lives). James probably could become an NFL quarterback. He could become a golfer or a tennis player, too, but he couldn't work free agency deals to more luxurious locations.
If Theismann was his agent, you could almost ensure the infamous "taking my talents to South Beach" line wouldn't have been uttered (which would be a loss for all of us) because Theismann would have likely fumbled away the opportunity to maximize his inflated sense of self. He'd probably be a better mentor/personal advisor, like Jim Brown and Warren Moon now are doing in attempts to keep themselves equally relevant.
Ironically, the team that would be best served by James becoming their quarterback would be the Cleveland Browns, but he wouldn't play there - or if he did, he'd limp off the field after throwing his second pick of the game to lose to New England in the playoffs. Obviously, Cleveland would never make the playoffs.
Put him in New York, the Jets have no problem looking to develop overhyped quarterback prospects. Plus, it'd make for great reality television.
How about Oakland? They may or may not even have a quarterback yet. But LeBron can run, so that would fit 95 percent of the team's criteria.
Pittsburgh? Nah, they just got rid of their image-oriented player who wants to play for a team willing to buy championships.
As it turns out, there are a few teams who may benefit with the circus-like distraction that would follow James from city to city. Theismann is smart to capitalize on James' name in an effort to boost his career, just like Super Beta Blockers boosts his ability to hang sausage in the men's room.
Coming up, we'll get Theismann's thoughts on Tim Tebow.