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One fan's dress-rehearsal timeline of the Steelers all-important third preseason game

A (mostly) satirical look at one fan's behavior before, during and after the Steelers all-important third preseason game against the Chiefs last Saturday evening.

Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sport

As most football fans know, the third preseason game isn't just any August football game--it's all-important, a dress-rehearsal for how things will go during the regular season. If you're going to accept free tickets to any exhibition game, this is the one (after all, the starters play the entire first half).

The Steelers played Kansas City in that all-important third game last Saturday night, and much like the players, the fans also had to treat it like the real thing, at least I did. Below is a timeline of my preparation for that game in the days before, my reactions during the critical game, and straight through to my post-game behavior.

Won't you join me?

Thursday, August 22nd

7am: Behind the Steel Curtain's Neal Coolong publishes "5 Questions with Arrowhead Pride," where members of BTSC pose questions to contributors of the Chiefs' SB Nation site.

7:22am: My particular question, "How does it feel to cheer for such a crap team?" doesn't make the final cut, but I go ahead and ask it anyway on the Chiefs' site, and this leads to a flame war between myself and Arrowhead Pride reader, Chief Rushing Hard.

8:42am: I get banned from Arrowhead Pride for being a disruptive troll--a standard regular season pre-game ritual for Yours truly (be glad the final preseason game isn't all-important, Cat Scratch Reader).

10:33am: I'm so angry that I got banned from Arrowhead Pride, I subscribe to 17 other Chiefs fan blogs and get banned from them, too (that'll show 'em).

12:02pm: I seek out and get into a Twitter argument with @Len_Dawson_Was_the_Greatest_Quarterback_Ever!, the Chiefs legendary Super Bowl winning quarterback (it had to be the real Dawson, right?). After a few angry exchanges, I tell him that I'm glad the Steelers traded his sorry a** in '59, and he retorts with "You're a punk b****! And your team sucks a**! F*** Roethlischoker!"

I can't believe Len Dawson would say such things--that's no way for a Hall of Famer to behave on Twitter.

Friday, August 23rd

11:52am: I'm in line at the deli of my neighborhood grocery store, when I notice an elderly woman in front of me wearing a red and gold summer dress. It's unclear whether or not she's a Chiefs fan, but the third game is a dress rehearsal, and for practice, I start to boo her and scream "Get the f*** out of here!" Some people in line look uncomfortable, some laugh, and others join along with me and start to alternate between chants of "You suck!" and "Go home!"

11:57am: The elderly woman starts to argue with the store manager because they're out of her favorite cooked ham. As the argument escalates, everyone in line starts to chant, "Throw her out!" "Throw her out!" "Throw her out!"

11:59am: The lady is escorted out by store security, as everyone in line applauds wildly. She turns to the crowd and defiantly says, "F*** you all! Jamaal Charles is a beast, and the Steelers suck!"

Saturday, August 24th

2:37pm: While attending my twin nephews' first birthday party, I get in trouble with my one sister for yelling at my nine year old niece because of how she was throwing a football. I mean, she was throwing it behind herself and with her eyes shut--my sister has no eye for talent (and I'm the jerk?)

8:32pm: The Steelers jump out to a 10-0 first half lead, and I go on Twitter and confidently exclaim that they will go 19-0 and bring home a seventh Lombardi.

9:32pm: The Chiefs tie the game just before halftime, and I get so angry, I go on BTSC's game thread and exclaim that the Steelers suck, Tomlin should be fired, and I'm done with the team for the rest of the season.

9:34pm: I take it back, but it's too late, and BTSC suspends me for being a disruptive troll.

10pm-11pm: Thanks to my sugar crash because of all the cake I ate at the birthday party earlier in the day, I don't remember any of the fourth quarter or overtime (much like most regular season fourth quarters, thanks to "lubrication").

Sunday, August 25th

10:37pm: Thanks to the performance of Bruce Gradkowski the night before, where he passed for 115 yards and a touchdown, I phone the CW's "Nightly Sports Call" and tell Bob Pompeani that Ben Roethlisberger holds on to the ball too long and Gradkowski should be given a shot at the starting job.

10:38pm: Pompeani cuts my call short.

There you have it. My third preseason game dress rehearsal. I believe I'm ready for the regular season.

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