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Steelers vs. Vikings: Let the (0-3) trash talk begin

The fact both these teams are winless in the 2013 season is not preventing trash talk, sarcastic or otherwise, from going back and forth.

By Neal Coolong
Bruce Kluckhohn-USA TODAY Sports
As a resident of the fine state of Minnesota, I've had this game circled on my calendar for a while now. I've had a running bet with my friend Chuck since 2001, spanning the last three regular season games the Steelers and Vikings have played each other. The Steelers are 3-0 in those games.

Chuck, who outweighs me by a solid 60 pounds, had to wear my Hines Ward jersey back in 2005 out to the bars. Unfortunately, that particular bar did not allow sports jerseys, so he didn't have to wear it very long. He did have to carry around a Terrible Towel all night, and was required to wave it each time someone made mention of him carrying it.

Another friend, Joe, has entered the fray as well. While none of the three of us are particularly inclined to bet on this game (as of now, that is), certainly not to the level we have in the past, the trash-talking has begun.

Joe, the more eloquent of the two, scrawled out his reverse-psychological list of reasons why the Vikings will win. He may be sarcastic, so approach with that in mind.

Joe's words:

- PONDER FIGURES IT OUT THIS WEEK AND TORCHES UR PATHETIC SECONDARY!!!

- BRANDON FUSCO GOING TO GET LOST IN LONDON ON THE WAY TO THE GAME AND OUR OFFENSIVE LINE WILL OWN YOU!

- ADRIAN PETERSON WON'T INEXPLICABLY KEEP FUMBLING THE BALL DESPITE HIS HUGE HANDS!! HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT HIS HANDSHAKE?

- OUR NO. 1 CORNERBACK WILL FINALLY GET AN INT, FORCE A FUMBLE OR RECOVER A FUMBLE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS 4-YEAR CAREER (AND AS A BONUS WON'T HIT HIS GIRLFRIEND)

- DESPITE WHAT EVERYONE IS THINKING, NO, THE VIKINGS WILL NOT BE INVOLVED IN SOME SCANDAL WHILE FLYING OVER INTERNATIONAL WATERS!!!

- GREG JENNINGS WILL BRING HIS CATCH TOTAL ABOVE HIS OFFSEASON COMPLAINT TOTAL ABOUT AARON RODGERS!

- JOHN CARLSON...WILL STILL BE OVERPAID!

- EVERYTIME OUR DEFENSIVE LINE GETS A SACK IT WILL TURN INTO A TOUCHDOWN. ACTUALLY THIS IS TRUE, 1-for-1 BABY!! LOOK OUT FOR SACK NO. 2!!

- TWO WORDS: JAMARCA SANFORD! LEARN IT!

- LESLIE FRAZIER WILL CHALLENGE A PLAY THAT IS NON-CHALLENGABLE AGAIN, BUT THIS GAME IS IN LONDON, ANYTHING GOES!!

- PONDER WILL OUTRUSH THE STEELERS TEAM ON HIS OWN...HMMM NOW THERE IS A PROP BET

- DESMOND BISHOP WILL MAKE HIS FIRST APPEARANCE OF THE SEASON!! SO WILL C. PATTERSON ON AN OFFENSIVE SNAP FROM SCRIMMAGE AND THEY WILL OWN YOU!

- HARRISON SMITH WILL ACTUALLY, PROBABLY, MOST-LIKELY, HOPEFULLY COVER HEATH MILLER ON A POTENTIAL GAME-WINNING TOUCHDOWN THROW TO PREVENT MAKING IT THREE STRAIGHT WEEKS HE HAS MESSED UP COVERAGE ON A TIGHT END WITH THE GAME ON THE LINE!

SKOL VIKINGS!!! 1-0 ON INTERNATIONAL SOIL!!!! BRING ON MACHESTER UNITED!!!

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