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My public apology/scolding of Steelers running back Le’Veon Bell

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Le’Veon Bell is currently appealing a four-game suspension he received for missing several drug tests. Depending on the verdict, people like me may have to issue a public apology. But what happens if his suspension is upheld? I figured I would get ahead of the game and cover my butt on both ends.

Pittsburgh Steelers v Kansas City Chiefs Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images

Ever since the news broke that Steelers running back Le’Veon Bell is possibly facing a four-game suspension to start the 2016 season due to missing several recent drug tests, the tensions have been high among the fans.

Some fans want to wait out the story and see how things unfold once all the facts are discovered. Others, however, have already jumped off the Bell bandwagon and/or are very disappointed in him.

As I wrote the other day, I’m one of those people who is very disappointed in Bell, and that’s my official stance as of right now.

Things may change based on the final verdict in Bell’s appeal, which has yet to be handed down.

As I’ve been made aware of, if Bell wins his appeal, I will have to issue a public apology. But the good news for yours truly is if Bell’s four-game suspension is upheld, it will be a victory for me...for some reason.

With that in mind, I thought it would be in my best interest to get ahead of the game and cover my butt, so to speak, by issuing both a public apology and a public scolding of Bell, with one or the other becoming certified once the decision on his suspension is official.

Le’Veon, you won your appeal, and I apologize.

Obviously, it’s very rare for young men in their early-20s to ever engage in marijuana use, and when you got caught with LeGarrette Blount two summers ago, that was undoubtedly the first and last time you ever partook in such activities.

Yes, much like O.J. Simpson, Robert Blake and a host of other innocent people throughout history, you’ve been exonerated, and it is I who should be suspended for the first four games of the 2016 regular season.

Le’Veon, you lost your appeal, and I have to ask this question: How could you?

You’d rather get high on grass than by rushing for many yards and touchdowns on the stuff at Heinz Field? (I think it’s grass, but nobody ever knows.) You’ve let the fans down, but more importantly, Le’Veon, you’ve let me down.

Le’Veon, you’ve won your appeal, and I must say I’m sorry for coming down on you so hard.

Why did I hate on you so much, you may be wondering? It’s because I’m a hater. I’m jealous of your youth and your talent (especially your rap talent), and the last thing I wanted was an All-Pro running back with your skill-set helping the Steelers in all 16 games this season. But before I sat down to write this, I looked in the mirror, and you know what, Le’Veon? I saw a man who needed to change his ways. That man was me, and that’s what I’m asking him to do right now.

Le’Veon, you lost your appeal.

As someone who has accepted the occasional free ticket from fans who have been season-ticket holders since 1972, I must say, your behavior does not sit well with me.

I mean, how would I explain your actions to my kids, if I had any? You think it’s my job as a hypothetical parent to explain pot use to my hypothetical kids?

Le’Veon, you won your appeal, and not only do I owe you an apology, the drug tester you gave your new number to owes you at least that much.

I should know better than anyone that changing your number interferes with so many aspects of your life. For example, I haven’t paid my rent in six months. Why? Because I keep changing my number. Hey, if my landlord can’t get a hold of me by the first of every month, do I even exist, and do I have any responsibility? That’s on her, and she should be punished for her negligence—as should Mr. Forgetful Drug Tester.

Le’Veon, you lost your appeal.

You know what I’m going to do right now? I’m going to take my vintage Rod Woodson jersey, rip “Woodson” off the back of it and sew on “Bell.” After that, I will cut up the jersey up and mail it back to the Steelers.

That’ll show’em.

You won your appeal, Le’Veon, and I’m surprised.

Why am I surprised, you ask? It’s because everyone knows Roger Godell has it out for the Steelers, thanks to their high ratings and the fact that owner Dan Rooney was instrumental in making him commissioner of the NFL.

He wants to see them lose!

With you in the lineup all year, Le’Veon, the Steelers have an even better shot at winning a Super Bowl. With you out of action for a quarter of the season, Mr. Godell would have severely damaged the Steelers chances of claiming a seventh Lombardi and increased the likelihood of the Jaguars, his favorite team, winning Super Bowl LI after moving to London.

Le’Veon, you lost your appeal, and I’m embarrassed to be a Steelers fan.

Not only that, I’m humiliated. Why would I be embarrassed and/or humiliated by the actions of a football player I’ve never met, you ask? Because, why not?

Because of my shame, the Rooneys should cut you and insert Fitzgerald Toussaint into the lineup. At least he has heart, and as everyone knows, heart trumps talent.

There you are. I think my butt is sufficiently covered, no matter how Le’Veon Bell’s appeal turns out.