10 Things I think I thought as the Steelers played Tarzan, King of the Jungle vs. the Bengals

Though my heart is in full control during games, my mind does still work. These are the things that paraded through during our victory over the Bengals.

1. Vontaze Burfict is the Big Kahuna of the NFL’s criminal element. (Warning: non-political comment coming that someone is sure to take offense at as a political comment.) If the NFL’s concern for player safety is more earnest than the safety pantomime that is the Airport TSA Players, then a looooooong suspension is coming his way. But don’t hold your breath. He tried to behead Antonio Brown, but it’s not like he smoked some wacky tobacky or something.

2. My preference is always a blowout from beginning to end for our Steelers. But isn’t there something so incredibly satisfying, Lucy-pulling-the-football-Charlie-Brown-wants-to-kick satisfying, of beating the Bengals when they think they have it won? Little brother, never having beaten big brother in one-on-one, is up by one, needing just one more to win. Big brother casually checks the ball, pops a three and walks back in the house for an iced tea.

3. I, along with my family, was at last year’s game in Cincinnati. I saw two men, one a fine, honest, upstanding man, the other not so much, carted off on stretchers. The good man thanked God to be able to walk onto the sidelines of this game. The other looked for his next target. I can’t control Vontaze Burfict. I can, however, control me. I don’t want to see cheap shots. I don’t want to see players hurt. I don’t want vengeance. I want tough, hard-hitting, honest football. Those who can’t tell the difference have no business in the NFL.

4. In three years James Conner will be in the Pro Bowl, and LeVeon Bell will be out of the game. Why? James Conner loves the game. Lev Bell loves Lev Bell.

5. Glad we didn’t have to find out whether Boswell still has the yips, or if he’s back to having the yups. I especially enjoyed knowing that AB’s crossing route took him right through where Burfict would have been standing, had he not run headlong into the brick wall that was Sunday’s Steeler offensive line.

6. I bet every Bengal fan that laughed when T.J. Hoshamazode wiped his cleats with a Terrible Towel regrets it now.

7. Marvin Lewis looks like Elmo to me. What do you think?

8. I truly thank God for blessing me with an amazing wife. Two years of grace, decades more to go.

9. Two words: Ju. Ju. OK, here’s a few more. Joe Haden. I mentioned last week that Julio Jones is good at playing football, but Haden had his number. You know who else is good at playing football? AJ Green, that’s who. And Joe, yup, he had his number too. Alright, two more words: Roosevelt Nix. Need I say more? Didn’t think so.

10. Though it gave a good impression of a sieve on the Bengals’ last drive, the Steeler D gave a good impression of a competent NFL defense through most of the game. If they keep this up, they just may prove to be the Trent Dilfer of defenses. Which means the Steelers have a shot at the Super Bowl. Don’t forget who it was that told you not to stop believing.

Next week, 10 Things I Think I Thought While Trying to Find the Steeler Game.