The Steelers are coming off of a very satisfying victory and, with the bye-week upon us, there’s extra time to savor it. With that win, enticing trade rumors abound, complaining about Vontaze Burfict and the mystery of a certain running-back’s travel plans — my black-and-gold brain is raging like amusement park rapids or a tweener’s hormones. So I feel compelled to pass on the ravings to you. But I must issue a limousine of lament for my transgressions from a week ago and to those I’ve scorned:
- Disappointed Applebees’ consumers
- Those who never experienced the glory of stuffing a riblet in their mouth
- Ponch and Jon, Paul and John, but not Zach and AC
- Stating the obvious that Flo from Progressive is annoying, Mike Mitchell gets tons of penalties and that Charlie Sheen enjoys the accompaniment of hookers.
- My attempt at current events humor and referencing 1982.
- Failing to include the phrase “it would be well worth it” when suggesting to readers that they download “Far From Over” by Frank Stallone.
And now for the latest installment of Random Thoughts From a Black-and-Gold Mind.
- Bye week is my least-favorite week of the season, but I’m sure the players enjoy their time off. Because there’s no Steelers game this weekend, though, my wife already has my weekend planned. Let’s just say I’d rather be wearing a JuJu Jersey in a dark alley than the hell of Homegoods, yard work and viewing Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga making out and singing in A Star is Born.
- Speaking of the fourth rendition of the Hollywood classic, there’s no truth to the rumor that No. 25 of Pittsburgh is set to lead in an even-newer version called An Art is Burned.
- Earlier I referenced Artie Burns. I root for him and praise his high character, but I worry the defense is only as good as its weakest link. That link (Artie) is decaying faster than a pre-teen’s teeth on Halloween night.
- I wonder what the Steelers players plan to do with their vacation of sorts. I picture Ben at a pumpkin patch with the family, JuJu splitting the week between stints at Dave and Busters and Chuck E. Cheese and Antonio Brown going furniture shopping.
- My next submission could be considered in poor taste and rather uncalled for. But I’m curious about what the true consensus is of Steelers fans. I’m not advocating violence, but when it comes to a certain Cincinnati linebacker, it seems the NFL, the organization and Vontaze Burfict are.
- Ryan Shazier amazes me week-in and week-out. In uniform or not, he’s still an important contributor to the team.
- The odds are slim that Patrick Peterson will be made available and would become a Steeler via trade. But I would gladly surrender a 2019 No. 1 and a No. 3 Pick for his services. Steep? Sure. But it could be (if you look at the Steelers’ 2018 draft) equivalent to trading Terrell Edmunds and Chucks Okafor for a better shot at a Super Bowl ring. Who wouldn’t do that?
- I get the feeling Antonio Brown feels unappreciated by the local media and (to some extent) the fans. I don’t necessarily blame him. The media hounds him and the fans have shown, at the first sign of trouble, they’ll turn on him at a moment’s notice. Something definitely is going on with him. It’s like he’s suddenly losing the joy in his life he’s always displayed. One thing he hasn’t lost, though, is his ability to win a football game. He’s still the most dynamic player in the game and I’m glad he wears my team’s colors.
- If you aren’t on the Vance McDonald bandwagon yet, it’s getting really full.
- Do you think that deep down Le’Veon Bell believes he’s a social crusader for change like Colin Kaepernick?
- Ben Roethlisberger likened James Conner to a bowling ball. That’s a great assessment. Watching him decimate Burfict and Shawn Williams on a single play was more gratifying than eating a bacon burger stuffed with a taco stuffed with a supreme pizza.
- Conner’s combat-run reminded me of Madonna’s “Material Girl” video when she was jaunting through a sea of men while easily knocking them down. However she was surrounded by a hot pink/red setting that wasn’t anywhere near as tacky as that jungle motif at Paul Brown Stadium.
- How do I apply for the job of Mike Tomlin’s replay consultant?
- I wonder what Dan Turk is doing these days.
While you’re all restless over no Steelers action this weekend, remember the wise words of the incomparable Hugh Anthony Cregg III.
Don’t need another high song to sing
I don’t need a shiny new diamond ring
I don’t need to meet nobody else
I just need a little time for myself
’cause I’m only human, I’m no machine
I need a little loving only you know what I mean
Don’t misunderstand me I’m not getting soft
All I want is a couple days off
Take that for what it’s worth — Go Steelers and Never Stop Shalievin’.