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Steelers vs. Falcons, Week 5: Bold and bizarre predictions for the battle of the underachievers

BTSC’s Nostradumbass predicts the Steelers’ contest on Sunday between two previous contenders that are playing like pretenders.

By Bryan Anthony Davis
Cleveland Browns v Pittsburgh Steelers Photo by Justin K. Aller/Getty Images

The 1-2-1 Steelers host the 1-3 Atlanta Falcons on Sunday at Heinz Field. Both teams have high-powered offensive attacks with defenses that are downright bad. One previously-billed Super Bowl contender will take a step toward saving their season, while the other will start watching the top prospects available in the 2019 NFL Draft.

With this storyline and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in the Week-4 contest:

  • Back on the same page, Ben Roethlisberger and Antonio Brown have a Montana/Rice day. AB finishes with over 200 yards on the afternoon.
  • However, Matt Ryan and Julio Jones shine as well.
  • Julio makes the Heinz Field end zone his schoolyard and the touchdown goose egg disappears with three trips there.
  • Not sure whether to gear his TD celebration towards the birthdays of Simon Cowell or Vladimir Putin, JuJu Smith-Schuster celebrates his second quarter TD by commemorating 1959’s Soviet probe Luna 3 when it transmitted the first-ever photographs of the far side of the Moon by taking a real cellphone shot of Ramon Foster bent over.
  • Much to the dismay of the fans, Tyler Matakevich gets a majority of the defensive snaps over Matthew Thomas at Vince Williams’ ILB spot. The middle of the field is torched all day long.
  • Because of the above prediction, fans lament not starting or picking up TE Austin Hooper in their fantasy leagues.
  • The Steelers get some semblance of a running game as James Conner grinds out 70 on the ground.
  • Le’Veon Bell debuts his latest rap single, Round is a Shape at halftime at Max and Erma’s.
  • Jordan Berry continues to get booed vociferously, but Chris Boswell’s arrow continues to point up and straight.
  • Despite a surge in offense, the defense continues to struggle. Falcons 38-Steelers 30.

...

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.

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