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Steelers vs. Falcons, Week 5: Bold and bizarre predictions for the battle of the underachievers

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BTSC’s Nostradumbass predicts the Steelers’ contest on Sunday between two previous contenders that are playing like pretenders.

Cleveland Browns v Pittsburgh Steelers Photo by Justin K. Aller/Getty Images

The 1-2-1 Steelers host the 1-3 Atlanta Falcons on Sunday at Heinz Field. Both teams have high-powered offensive attacks with defenses that are downright bad. One previously-billed Super Bowl contender will take a step toward saving their season, while the other will start watching the top prospects available in the 2019 NFL Draft.

With this storyline and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in the Week-4 contest:

  • Back on the same page, Ben Roethlisberger and Antonio Brown have a Montana/Rice day. AB finishes with over 200 yards on the afternoon.
  • However, Matt Ryan and Julio Jones shine as well.
  • Julio makes the Heinz Field end zone his schoolyard and the touchdown goose egg disappears with three trips there.
  • Not sure whether to gear his TD celebration towards the birthdays of Simon Cowell or Vladimir Putin, JuJu Smith-Schuster celebrates his second quarter TD by commemorating 1959’s Soviet probe Luna 3 when it transmitted the first-ever photographs of the far side of the Moon by taking a real cellphone shot of Ramon Foster bent over.
  • Much to the dismay of the fans, Tyler Matakevich gets a majority of the defensive snaps over Matthew Thomas at Vince Williams’ ILB spot. The middle of the field is torched all day long.
  • Because of the above prediction, fans lament not starting or picking up TE Austin Hooper in their fantasy leagues.
  • The Steelers get some semblance of a running game as James Conner grinds out 70 on the ground.
  • Le’Veon Bell debuts his latest rap single, Round is a Shape at halftime at Max and Erma’s.
  • Jordan Berry continues to get booed vociferously, but Chris Boswell’s arrow continues to point up and straight.
  • Despite a surge in offense, the defense continues to struggle. Falcons 38-Steelers 30.

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Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.