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Steelers vs. Broncos, Week 12: Bold and Bizarre predictions for Pittsburgh vs. Denver

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BTSC’s Nostradumbass predicts the Steelers’ upcoming game vs. the Yonkos....Errr Broncos.

Divisional Round - Pittsburgh Steelers v Denver Broncos Photo by Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

The 7-2-1 Steelers, on a six -game streak, venture to the dangerous confines of Bronco’s Field at Mile High to take on a dangerous and underachieving team from the AFC West. Will they conquer the demons in the thin air or will their streak vanish into it? Will James Conner return to top form? Will Von Miller terrorize the Steeler offensive line? Will I almost suffer a coronary for a second consecutive week?

With these questions, storylines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this Week 12 contest:

  • Ben Roethlisberger does not go sack or interception-free, but rebounds for a three TD game.
  • James Conner controls the game by accumulating over 175 total yards and scoring a TD.
  • Phillip Lindsay scores twice, but the Steelers 5th-ranked rush defense keeps the rookie under 60 yards.
  • Antonio Brown catches 6 balls for 120 yards and celebrates by pulling out a manilla envelope labeled medical records and making the “shhhhhhh” sign with his finger and lips.
  • At halftime at the Denver Taco John’s, “He Who Shall Not Be Named” performs his latest rap single, “Don’t Have 2 Play 2 Get Mile High” to confused employees and Mexican fast food connoisseurs.
  • Because commemorating the 19th anniversary of Elian Gonzalez being found by fishermen on a raft outside Florida is too elaborate and controversial, JuJu Smith-Schuster rejoices a touchdown by paying tribute to the 34th anniversary of the recording of ““Do They Know It’s Christmas” by playing the Band-Aid song on a boom box and singing the Bono parts while Ramon Foster croons the Boy George lines.
  • Von Miller feasts off of the sore pecs of Matt Feiler and sacks Big Ben twice, while rookie Bradley Chubb gets there once.
  • Jesse James and Vance McDonald prove to be a dominant two-headed monster over the soft Denver middle. Ben finds them over twelve times in total.
  • Artie Burns makes his way into the game and pulls down a Case Keenum pass in the fourth quarter to kill a Denver comeback bid. Speechless Steelers fans immediately backtrack with a collective, ““I told yinz guys that Artie should be in there”.
  • In the end, the Steelers edge out the home team 34-28 to extend their winning streak to seven.

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Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.