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Steelers vs. Raiders, Week 14: Bold and Bizarre predictions for Pittsburgh vs. the Raiders

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BTSC’s Nostradumbass predicts the Steelers’ upcoming game vs. Oakland.

Pittsburgh Steelers v Oakland Raiders Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images

The 7-4-1 Steelers had a six-game win streak. Now it is a two-game skid. This week they return to the Black Hole in Oakland to take on an awful team that has proven awfully dangerous to them, especially in this venue. Will the RBs offer any semblance of a rushing attack with James Conner out? Will Ben Roethlisberger and Mike Tomlin finally win in this city? Will Derek Carr’s assessment that Big Ben is not a Top 10 QB be proven correct? Will Darth Raider and his minions see one of their own arrested for attempted murder?

With these questions, storylines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this Week 14 contest:

  • Ben Roethlisberger starts out flat in the first quarter of play with a pick-six and two three-and-outs, but rebounds with four TD passes and 400+ yards.
  • Stevan Ridley, and not Jaylen Samuels, gets the bulk of the carries. However, the rookie Samuels scores as a receiver twice.
  • At halftime, Darth Raider rips off his headgear and reveals himself as “He Who Shall Not Be Named”. The former Steeler performs his latest rap single, “Mike, I am not your running back” to elated Oakland Alamedates.
  • Antonio Brown scorches the Raiders for 200+ yards receiving. After a huge score in the fourth, AB makes a costly mistake and hyper-jumps into the stands of the Black Hole. There the real Darth Raider orders No. 84 frozen in carbonite and sent to Tatooine.
  • Because commemorating the 49th birthday of Pittsburgh native and Olympic hero Kurt Angle would require a difficult body slam of Ramon Foster, JuJu Smith-Schuster instead rejoices a touchdown by wrapping a blue blanket around Foster’s legs and decorating him with lights and bulbs in tribute to the 53rd anniversary of “A Charlie Brown Christmas”.
  • Terrell Edmunds gets a Pick Six.
  • Trey Edmunds scores a rushing TD.
  • Yinzers from Waynesburg to Waynesboro speculate that Tremaine Edmunds will demand a trade from the Bills to join his siblings.
  • Ola Adenyi gets his first sack of the season.
  • Jalen Richard takes a Derek Carr screen pass 70+ for a score.
  • The Steelers secondary struggle to reel in Jordy Nelson, as Derek Carr throws to the former Packer early and often.
  • But the Steelers take advantage of a suspect Raider line and sack Carr six times.
  • On the radio broadcast, Wolf calls Carr by his brother’s name, David, at least thrice,
  • In the end, the Steelers win 42-30 to escape the Black Hole for their first win there since 1995.
  • The ghost of Al Davis attempts to fire Jon Gruden after the game, but Gruden finds it in the rule book that posthumous personnel moves by paranormals are prohibited.
  • Those who took the over in Oakland fan arrests prove to be the biggest winners of the day.

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Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.