Random Thoughts from a Black-and-Gold Mind: Offseason Hijinks Edition

Organized Team Activites (OTAs) are the NFL fan’s equivalent of “blue balls”, you get just enough of a teaser to think that gratification is guaranteed — but all it amounts to is a long, excruciating wait. But unlike Cleveland, Steelers Nation knows that an orgy of pigskin delight and satisfaction is just around the bend. But as the great Tom Petty once cautioned, “the waiting is the hardest part”.

With that being said, my black-and-gold brain is swirling like a whirlpool of wonder. As always, I’m passing on the ravings to you. But first, I should summon a sack full of sorries to, and for, the following transgressions last time out.

• Comparing Landry Jones and Josh Dobbs to Larry, Darryl and Darryl from Newhart. The Vermont trio surely has a better QBR.
• Making the Wonderlic sound dirty.
• Making you think about your ex-wife and (even worse) Mel Kiper.
• Comparing James Washington’s body to that of E.T.
• For shaming anybody that searched for their dad’s nudie mag stash.
• For those of you who hummed ABBA all day at work

Now that those unpleasantries have been reversed, welcome to the latest inception of Random Thoughts From a Black-and Gold Mind

• If the NFL thinks their National Anthem “kneeling” problem is solved, they’re as sorely mistaken as me at 16 thinking I’d get action on prom night. Unless they keep the media from announcing notable no-shows to the star-spangled sidelines, the fan outrage will be worse. I don’t have a solution, I’m just thinking that theirs is ticking like a time bomb.
• Maurkice Pouncey has intimated that the entire team will be present and accounted for when Francis Scott Key’s work is on display, but I’m not convinced. Players like Antonio Brown have voiced displeasure regarding the directive from New York and might spend extra time in the locker room. This could be as uncomfortable as taking a date to a Meatloaf concert and seeing your girlfriend in the row in front of you. Unfortunately a true story.

• Speaking of time-bombs — the all-quiet on the Western PA front, as far as drama goes, should be heating up with regard to Le’Veon Bell. Shenanigans should start up in another month as camp beckons. Le’Veon Watch will be much like Groundhog Day, as idiotic media-types speculate on what will happen. We all know that No. 26 is just like Punxatawney Phil — ”just around the corner” or “six more weeks” we can anticipate a bunch of unpredictable, verbal vomit.
• Speaking of verbal vomit, Ben Roethlisberger’s proposed silent treatment towards Mason Rudolph was just Ben acting ten. Reports out of OTA’s had the veteran cordial and cooperative with the rookie — on the one day he attended.
• I don’t care if Martavis Bryant has an All-Pro season Oakland, he had to be dealt. The dude was a lot like Roseanne on ABC — he wasn’t going to be back in 2019.

Photo by Justin K. Aller/Getty Images

• As far as replacing Martavis, James Washington looked amazing with his very first catch of a Big Ben bomb. He may be the Chris Farley of the NFL. He has an unorthodox body type for a superstar, but he’s got great moves and is entertaining beyond belief.
• Former OT Mike Adams is trying to resurrect his career as a tight end. The dude is down 60 pounds and looks more like Chris Hemsworth than Chris Farley. Invite him to camp and see what happens. It’s gotta go better than the first go-around — certainly can’t be worse.
• History shows a lot of guys with character issues that slide late in the draft, or don’t get drafted at all, are apt to struggle. But I’ve got money on Matthew Thomas from Florida State. He could earn his keep and then some...if he keeps his head.
• I love the Steelers’ choice to go with block numbers, but not as a throwback. That look needs to be, to quote Mickey from Rocky 2...”Poimanent”.

And finally...

• I wonder what Carey Davis is doing these days.

Until next time, if you haven’t yet learned your lesson and heeded the words of the Heartbreakers, here’s a refresher.

Oh baby don’t it feel like heaven right now

Don’t it feel like somethin’ from a dream

Yeah I’ve never known nothing quite like this

Don’t it feel like tonight might never be again

We know better than to try and pretend

Baby no one could have ever told me ‘bout this

The waiting is the hardest part

Every day you see one more card

You take it on faith, you take it to the heart

The waiting is the hardest part

So take that for what it’s worth, Go Steelers and Don’t Stop Shalievin’.