We here at Fan Inc., a fictional company which represents the fan base and how they feel, love to have fun as much as anyone else. But our fun usually involves winning, and this is why some recent news about Steelers young and fun-loving receiver, JuJu Smith-Schuster, is a bit distressing.
It has come to our attention that, during a recent Steelers’ training camp session at Saint Vincent College in Latrobe, Pa., Smith-Schuster ran some routes the wrong way and may have even dropped a few passes. These transgressions drew the ire of veteran quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who questioned whether or not his young receiver’s head was into getting better, learning, winning, etc.
This made us at Fan Inc. begin to question if Smith-Schuster’s priorities, priorities that include elaborate touchdown celebrations, smiling, laughing, a high volume of social media activity, and playing the video game Fortnite, align with our more traditional values—again, we like to have fun, but only if you define that as winning.
We understand that roughly 94.5% of fans embrace JuJu’s idea of fun, but our own studies have revealed that 5.5% of fans just don’t like it because they feel that it is distracting him from winning football games. And that 5.5% is a huge concern to us at Fan Inc.
Therefore, after much thought and consideration, Fan Inc. has decided to sever ties with Smith-Schuster. We feel that Smith-Schuster’s idea of fun just doesn’t align with our idea of fun, which involves championships. We feel that Smith-Schuster’s brand and application of fun will never lead to a championship, as evidenced by the fact that his type of fun hasn’t produced one during his professional football career.
Fortunately, it is with great excitement that we here at Fan Inc. have decided to put our full support behind rookie receiver James Washington, the young man out of Oklahoma State. He does like to have fun, but our research has shown that his kind of fun involves fishing and staying humble. These types of endeavors and attributes will no-doubt keep him focused on football and getting better at football and winning football.
Think about the amount of time one has while fishing; for a young and humble man such as Washington, this will allow for countless mental reps, reps that will strengthen his on-field focus and lead to precise route running and sure hands.
Washington also enjoys working on the farm, an activity that we feel will make him stronger, while, at the same time, help him to remain humble. After all, while farming is fun, it’s not so much fun that it distracts one from the responsibilities of winning football games.
We don’t know Washington’s official position on touchdown celebrations at the professional level, but we hope his college custom of handing the football back to the officials will continue. We also don’t know his position on video games—including Fortnite—but we are still in the process of gathering information as we speak, and will make a decision if necessary.
As for right now, we here at Fan Inc. are comfortable that James Washington will bring us the kind of football-winning fun that is important to us in 2018.
Thank you and good day.