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Steelers vs. Bengals, Week 12: Bold and Bizarre predictions for the Steelers trip to Cincinnati

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Much to the chagrin of most, BTSC’s Nostradumbass predicts the Steelers’ short-staffed trip to the Queen City.

NFL: Cincinnati Bengals at Pittsburgh Steelers Philip G. Pavely-USA TODAY Sports

The Bengals may be 0-10, but the Steelers have a depleted roster, so this matchup promises to be either a doozie or a snoozer. With questions, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this pivotal contest:

  • With James Conner inactive, Bennie Snell returns with a performance that nets over 100 yards, 65 on the ground.
  • Despite the fact that the Steelers don’t score a TD in the game and that he’s not playIng, a street-clothed JuJu Smith-Schuster performs a celebration that he doesn’t want to waste. To commemorate the 78th birthday of Pete Best (the original drummer of the Beatles who was removed shortly before their rise to fame in favor of Ringo Starr), JuJu uses the football as a drum kit throne and air drums until Ramon Foster drags him away.
  • The Steelers pretty much shut down Tyler Boyd, but TE Tyler Eifert goes off for seven catches on the afternoon.
  • Zach Banner still is ignored as a target reporting as an eligible receiver.
  • With the Jets at home to entertain the Raiders, Le’Veon Bell tells his teammates he’s going to go pick up some chili and he’ll be right back. Little does anybody know that said-chili is Cincinnati-style and that the running back has snuck off to the Queen City for the signature dish. There he honors Bengals coach Zac Taylor and commemorates the 235th birth anniversary of our nation’s 12th President Zachary Taylor with his hip-hop version of “Cherry Pie” by Warrant. Taylor was believed to be have died after eating a large bowl of cherries. The only people that notice are the estate of Jani Lane, the ghost of Zachary Taylor and confused patrons of the famed Skyline Chili where the performance takes place.
  • Steven Nelson records an interception, while Bud Dupree gets a strip sack that leads to a field goal.
  • After barely touching Baker Mayfield, the Steelers sack Ryan Finley five times.
  • Having already surpassed eleven players on the all-time ledger, T.J. Watt continues his dominance with 2.5 sacks to pass up Mike Merriweather, Chad Brown and Clark Haggans for 11th in Steeler lore with 33 and 13 on the season.
  • Mason Rudolph doesn’t throw four interceptions, Just two this time around. But Red Zone woes continue for No. 2.
  • A box from Amazon arrives to the Steelers locker room allegedly contain jars of a sticky substance addressed to John SS., Vance M., Diontae J., J. Samuels and J. Washington shortly before kickoff. Shipping records reveal it was sent from a Manson Randolph.
  • The Steelers will end up having to put up points, and they do on three field goals. Steelers escape the Queen City to the tune of 9-6.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.