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Steelers vs. Colts, Week 9: Bold and Bizarre predictions for Colts vs. Steelers

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Much to the chagrin of most, BTSC’s Nostradumbass predicts the Steelers’ home clash against the Colts.

NFL: AUG 26 Preseason - Colts at Steelers Photo by Shelley Lipton/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

The Steelers have a tough task against the 5-2 Indianapolis Colts at Heinz Field today. With the Steelers riding a two-game winning streak and the conference struggling, playoff possibilities are being imagined. With that being typed, will Jaylen Samuels pick up where James Conner left off? Will the line open holes for him? Will Mason Rudolph start off slow again? Can Diontae Johnson emerge as a top option at WR? Can the defense continue their dominance without Stephon Tuitt?

With these questions, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this pivotal contest:

  • Antonio Brown shows up wearing the uniform of his injured friend and childhood teammate T.Y. Hilton. After NFL officials deny AB they let that AFLAC guy be a proxy in Good Will Hunting for Jason Bourne argument. Mr. 3rd and 5th disappears into the day.
  • With James Conner inactive, Jaylen Samuels rushes 28 times for 110 yards on the day and adds another 40 yards on receptions. This, in turn, takes pressure off of Steelers QB Mason Rudolph.
  • JuJu Smith-Schuster scores a third-quarter TD and celebrates the score and the 62nd anniversary of the Russians launching of Sputnik 2 and the first dog in space by dressing his dog Boujee up as an astronaut and putting him in a giant toy rocket. Upon David DeCastro informing JuJu that the original space-dog (Laika-a mostly Siberian Husky) never returned and allegedly perished on the mission, No. 19 snatches his beloved pooch from the fuselage and aborts the mission.
  • With Donte Moncrief having been waived the day before, Boujee is inserted in the lineup and has four catches for 18 yards. That stat line matches Moncrief’s 2019 season output.
  • The Steelers keep Marlon Mack under 100 rushing yards for the game, but his 90 is the highest output for a Steeler opponent in 2019.
  • With T.Y. Hilton out for the game, the Steelers are tasked with stopping the TE duo of Jack Doyle and Eric Ebron. The duo combines for 12 grabs and a score.
  • The Vanimals, the Steelers TE tandem of my senior year in high school 88-89 (Nick Vannett and Vance McDonald), combine for 13 grabs themselves.
  • Fan favorite Zach Banner lines up frequently at TE, but still does not get targeted as a receiver.
  • With the Jets in Miami with a chance for a rare victory, Le’Veon Bell stays in South Beach and rushes for a 127 yards and two TDs. Just kidding, No. 26 prioritizes and paddleboats to Pittsburgh to perform his hip hop version of the theme from “Diff’rent Strokes” on the 41st anniversary of its’ NBC debut. The only people that notice are the confused patrons enjoying a “Battleship” at the Triangle Bar and Grill in Swissvale.
  • Minkah Fitzpatrick records yet another interception, while Cam Heyward gets a strip sack that leads to a score.
  • Mason Rudolph starts faster this time around and enjoys a decent stat line with two TDs, no interceptions, 245 yards and the win. But still some fans call for Duck Hodges.
  • The Steelers will have to come back late to beat the Colts with a Chris Boswell FG. Final: 26-24

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.