As the Steeler-less Super Bowl will be played this weekend, fans of the Black-and-Gold will be watching and thinking “if only”. Even though the Pittsburgh Steelers will not be between the white lines at Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta on Sunday, there are definite Steeler things to look out for. I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this weekend’s epic event.
- Alan Faneca is denied “The Gold Jacket” again when Tony Boselli gets the only O-line call to the Hall.
- However, “the Artists formerly known as the Munch Bunch” take home the “Built Ford Tough” Offensive Line of the Year at NFL Honors.
- During an interview between a former young coach and a current one to make the Super Bowl early in their careers, Bill Cowher shares his memories of his SB debut in Arizona 23-years ago and gives sage advice to Sean McVay.
- The Steelers are mentioned as the last team to defeat the Patriots in the 2018 season.
- Todd Gurley’s merely-adequate performance is noticed by Le’Veon Bell and addressed with a series of iuinterpretable emojis.
- Wide Receivers AB and JuJu Smith-Schuster appear in SB commercials, but for reasons unknown to many... Eli Rogers does not get his shot at a Clio award.
- Because the “Big Game” is on CBS and not Fox, Terry Bradshaw having been rendered unable to join Maroon 5 and promote “The Masked Singer”... a show in which he was ousted from a few weeks back while wearing a deer mask and antlers. However, ‘‘The Blonde Bomber” finds a way to delight a dozen Steeler fans in attendance by performing his version of Florida Georgia Line’s “Get Your Shine On” in the end zone after the Third Quarter.
- Meanwhile back home, avid hunter Brett Keisel grabs his deer rifle and blasts the screen of his 75” Samsung 3D television.
- Antonio Brown catches wind of Bradshaw’s performance and is livid. Being the first person ousted from the same show dressed as a hip-hop rhino while singing Bobby Brown’s “My Perrogative”, AB demands a trade from Fox because the network allegedly favors the Super Bowl QB over him.
- Steeler fans rejoice as their Penn Hills and Pitt alum, Aaron Donald, registers a MVP-caliber performance with 1.5 sacks and three hurries of Brady.
- The record of most Super Bowl wins becomes a tie to the chagrin of Steeler Nation as the Patriots prevail 44-42 to expand their total of wins to six.
- Jim Nantz uses the phrase “Move Over Pittsburgh” when proclaiming the Pats champs.
- Steeler Nation laments the fact on social media that their team could’ve beaten the Rams, had their team only gotten in.
How many of these will be right? Hopefully only one or two.
“Remember basic merely happens, the bold rises to the top...but the bizarre is remembered forever.”-Bryan Anthony Davis, 2019
- Nobody will ever reference my original quote above.