As a middle-aged husband and father, you would think I would know better. Thankfully, I have been blessed in the fact that I rarely suffer from stomach or intestinal issues. However, with that being said, I also know what to avoid unless I am just cruising for a bruising. I have no idea why, but if I consume chocolate in any form an hour or two before bedtime, I will almost certainly have nonsensical nightmares. If I eat Mexican or particularly spicy food, I will often have elaborate theatrical dreams.
It must have been the sweet Asian chili shrimp for supper that caused the incredibly detailed dream that I am about to share with you now. My dream found me surrounded by fellow members of a little family that I like to call Steelers Nation. We were all decked out in our finest Pittsburgh Steelers gear, sharing in the bonding experience of the 2019 Steelers training camp. Although I wasn't sure how I had arrived at this location, I could tell something magical was about to happen.
While the crowd was spread out across the practice fields to watch the offense and defense run their various drills, suddenly everyone's attention was drawn to two areas up the hill toward the facilities. One particular group of shady looking characters were high tailing it towards the parking lot to get the heck out of Latrobe. Their fiendish plans had been revealed and their cowardly leader had been disgraced.
Beyond confused as to what was going on, I searched for clarity from my fellow brethren standing nearby. I learned that the disgraced anti-hero had given himself the new nickname of Big Scar. He had made a concerted effort to spread discord within the organization and mistrust throughout the kingdom. He wanted to usurp the courageous leader known as Big Fasa and his jealousy caused an attempt to replace the rightful heir to the throne Ju-Simba.
Big Scar had enlisted the help of a pack of laughing hyenas better known as the national sports media because they were easily manipulated due to their startling lack of intelligence. Suddenly I realized that there was hauntingly ominous music playing in the background and a dark cloud of despair was hovering over the fields. Steelers Nation was understandably concerned, but two heroes were about to turn those frowns upside down.
Looking back over to our left, we witnessed two majestic figures slowly climbing the stairs toward the top with inspirational music steadily building toward a crescendo in the background. I quickly recognized that the two figures in the distance were the legendary Big Fasa and the beloved young prince Ju-Simba.
Already waiting at the summit was Steelers purveyor of wisdom Baboon Colbert, better known as B-bert. He had spent the previous couple of months watching the manufactured discord high from his perch atop the Steelers hierarchy tree. There he artfully crafted key new additions for the Steelers like a monkey playing with finger paints.
During the intellectual famine brought on across the NFL by the desperate actions of Big Scar, the Steelers circled the wagons and steadied the ship. Big Fasa rose above the insanity and returned to the loving embrace of his queen and three young cubs. Ju-Simba utilized the time to continue his humanitarian efforts with the young, the elderly, and the homeless throughout Steelers Nation. B-bert even descended from upon high to throw his unwavering support behind Big Fasa. Once, during the darkest of days, he simply whispered these words of encouragement in Big Fasa's ear "Remember who you are!"
As they reached the top, the dark clouds parted and the sun shined in. All the players and fans that remained below celebrated joyously and cheered wildly in approval. Big Fasa had brought prosperity back to Pittsburgh during his reign, and after emerging victorious from this latest challenge for his throne, he has committed to leading the Nation for a least a few more seasons. Even when the day comes that Big Fasa decides to remove his crown, he can do so with the satisfaction and knowledge that the future is bright in Pittsburgh.
Ju-Simba has displayed, even at such a young age, a natural ability to unite a Nation. When his time comes I have no doubt he will be ready. He lives by the Hakuna Matata ideology.
The Steelers even have a new Secretary of Defense just chomping at the bit to defend the Nation. He is a young warthog of a linebacker known as D-Bush that loves nothing better than swiftly running around the field and laying the smack down on the ballcarriers.
Then I woke up and made my way to the bathroom. Maybe that is the real "Circle of Life".