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My Top 10 rejected Steelers topics for article submissions on BTSC

Take a satirical look into what ideas don’t make it through and end up on the proverbial cutting room floor here at BTSC.

Kansas City Chiefs v Pittsburgh Steelers Photo by Joe Sargent/Getty Images

For the past four years or so, I have been on staff here at BTSC writing and performing on podcasts. As is expected, I have a certain amount of content that I’m required to submit in a week. During the season, it isn’t that hard to generate ideas on what is going on with the Black-and-Gold. However, the offseason is a whole different animal. Every once in a while I read in the comments section someone pointing out my wasting their time with the stupidest and most useless topics of all time. BTSC Editor-in-Chief Jeff Hartman does a great job in sifting through the idiocy that emanates from my black-and-gold mind, but every once in a while he has to nix (not Roosevelt) one of my ideas.

Here is a list of what never made it on to the site for you to deem as click bait.

10) Steelers Shower Habits

It was a perfectly crafted and special exposé into which Steeler takes the most time in the shower and who doesn’t rinse off at all. Plus, an inside look into what part of the body Ramon Foster likes to wash first. However Jeff ironically said the story made him feel “dirty” which was the opposite of what I was going for and the accompanying photos were way to graphic for SB Nation’s tastes.

9) Arbor Day Memories of Your Favorite Steelers

Unfortunately Arbor Day is right around the NFL Draft in April. But who wouldn’t want to read about “The Shade Tree” Daniel McCullers planting a tree of his own on a beloved American holiday. Instead we ran pieces on speculation about the low probability that the Steelers would make a trade up to get one of two linebackers named Devin. Go figure.

8) Secret Confessions of a Steelers Equipment Manager

Right before his June 14th retirement after 39 years serving as the Equipment Manager of the Pittsburgh Steelers, I brainstormed what would be a tell-all interview with Rodgers Freyvogel. I was set to ask serious questions like “What position group has the smelliest pads?”, “What Steeler has the largest head that you’ve ever measured for a helmet?” and “Can you help get me in on your bulk discount on detergent?”. But with his abrupt retirement and the story being deemed too hard-hitting and controversial, my dreams were dashed. But then again, I may get credentials to talk to the current equipment crew of Adam Regan and Patrick Noone.

7) From Worst to First: Power Ranking the most offensive submissions in BTSC’s comments section

Most of the time, we get well-thought and constructive comments in that particular forum from a fantastic community of readers. Respectful debates and differences of opinion are welcomed. But every once in a while, we get our integrity questioned or find ourselves insulted for our opinions or, if you are Tony, challenged to actually fight. My rankings and calling out of who hurt my BTSC feelings was quickly deemed divisive and counter productive by Hartman and Community Manager Dave Schofield. Instead, I have a revenge list scrawled on my wall a la Steve Buscemi in Billy Madison. Or do I?

6) High Times and Sly Rhymes: Analyzing the rap lyrics of Le’Veon Bell

Go behind the music with the lyrical genius that is Juice and understand the inspiration for such classic hits like “Shrimp Bayless”, “She Loves My Drip”, “Free At Last” and “My Side of Things”. This idea should have rocketed all the way to the top of the BTSC charts, but alas no Juice for you.

5) Who Would Play Who in “Steelers 2018: The Motion Picture”?

This one was actually going well with Omar Epps obviously slated to portray Steelers Head Coach Mike Tomlin and John David Washington (Denzel’s son) a solid choice to play Antonio Brown. But when Will Ferrell is your best choice to play Ben Roethlisberger and you find yourself googling heights of Hollywood B-Listers, you make the choice to scrap the idea all on your own accord, even before you get a confused and befuddled emoji texted to you by Jeff.

4) Sexting With The Steelers

First of all, it’s hard to get permission and photo releases of any player’s personal cell phone correspondences and that includes guys on the Practice Squad. Also, Hartman was quite clear that BTSC wouldn’t reimburse the $1000 that I paid to my source, a guy named “Big Sal” that Tony Defeo went to high school with, for the reliable written transcripts from actual Steeler phones. Plus he was adamant that this not only crossed the boundaries of good taste, but it leapt it in Bob Beamon-like fashion. Goodbye Pullitzer or whatever the blogging equivalent to that honor is.

3) Relatively Speaking: Those who know the Black-and-Gold best

Have you ever wondered what brand of toilet paper and in what quantity Ryan Switzer likes to buy at Costco? Does it keep you up at night not knowing the inspiration behind Alvin Dupree’s going by the name “Bud”? How many times have you dreamed about going through Anthony Chickillo’s sock drawer? In this daily series featuring cousins, step-brothers, former girlfriends of college roommates and’ll get all the news and all kinds of views into the thrilling and intimate world of your favorite Pittsburgh Steelers. For some reason, Jeff wouldn’t return my calls for a week after proposing this gem.

2) Tomlin Talk: A Power Ranking of the Best Clichés of Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin

When it was obvious that “obviously” was a clear-cut favorite, Jeff made me shut the operation down. He said it was a “popcorn” piece and cautioned me of “painting with a broad brush”. Since I also “don’t want to live in my fears, but instead live in my hopes”, I decided that “the standard is the standard” and that I shouldn’t “unleash Hell” on our readers. Plus, I think other sites may have done articles on “Tomlinisms” already.

1) Bingeing with Boujee

Picture yourself getting unsullied watching eight seasons of the battle for the iron throne on HBO’s Game of Thrones, you’re trying to escape from the Upside Down and scarf down a bunch of Eggos during a Stranger Things marathon on Netflix or catching up with Atlanta’s Earn and Paper Boy on Hulu with Pittsburgh’s most-famous pooch...Boujee Smith-Schuster. This whole idea back-fired when I found out that JuJu wouldn’t be present to translate and that his dog didn’t quite have the personality that’s advertised in online videos. He’s kind of a diva. When I heard that Jeff was thinking of then replacing me on BTSC podcasts with the French bulldog, I got nervous and shelved the idea. Translation...Boujee refused my media request and there may be a little thing about a restraining order on file in Allegheny County.

So there you have it. Either I’m the victim of topical persecution or now you understand why Jeff is an editorial genius charged for juggling my enormous ego and hair-brained ideas. What a great idea for a poll. Sorry, that was Roosevelt Nix-ed too.