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Steelers vs. Buccaneers, Preseason Week 1: Bold and Bizarre predictions for Pittsburgh vs. Tampa Bay

Much to the chagrin of most, BTSC’s Nostradumbass predicts the Steelers’ initial preseason game of 2019 vs. the Buccaneers.

NFL: Pittsburgh Steelers-Training Camp Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

The Steelers return after an excruciatingly-long lay-off to return home and battle the Bucs. Will James Conner and JuJu Smith-Schuster play more than a series? Will Sutton Smith make noticeable impact? Did Mike Tomlin alter his coaching philosophies at all?

With these questions, storylines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this preseason contest:

  • Unlike the offspring of Oakland’s new No. 84, Ben Roethlisberger’s kids don’t ask where Antonio Brown is.
  • Along with Roethlisberger, Joe Haden, T.J. Watt and Maurkice Pouncey do not see action Week 1.
  • Just like Ryan Shazier’s 2014 Heinz Field debut, Devin Bush intercepts a pass and electrifies the home crowd.
  • Newly-minted shades pitchman JuJu Smith-Schuster scores a TD and repels up to the press box to hand out Oakley sunglasses to members of the media. Ed Bouchette seems unimpressed with the new PRIZM technology.
  • Benny Snell Jr. and Jaylen Samuels both score on touchdown runs. Well neither rusher gets the upper hand, Snell racks up more yardage.
  • Since his Jets played on Thursday at MetLife Stadium, Le’Veon Bell takes an Uber to the Steel City and performs his latest single “Miss me yet?” for confused patrons at Pizza Fiesta just trying not to get sauce on their sombreros.
  • A revitalized Steelers defense racks up four sacks.
  • Both James Washington and Terrell Edmunds significantly improve from their rookie campaigns and shine in a big way. Washington makes five grabs, while Edmunds picks off a pass.
  • A yinzer carries in a sign that has something to do with “cold feet” regarding a certain and infamous Steelers WR from yesteryear and his cryogenic chamber mishaps.
  • In an imperfect but still palatable contest, the Steelers prevail 21-17. During his post-game press conference, Coach T answers every question by refusing to paint with a “broad brush”.
  • Bruce Arians snubs Mike Tomlin during the postgame handshakes because of his sustained grudge against the man that canned him.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.