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Steelers vs. Patriots, Week 1: Bold and Bizarre predictions for Pittsburgh vs. New England

Much to the chagrin of most, BTSC’s Nostradumbass predicts the Steelers’ trip to Foxboro vs. the Pats.

New England Patriots v Pittsburgh Steelers Photo by Joe Sargent/Getty Images

Yay, it’s the regular season...finally! The Steelers are away from Heinz Field again to start the new season and this time it is in the unfriendly confines of Gillette stadium. Can the Steelers finally beat Tom Brady in Foxboro? Will the Steelers actually beat Brady in Foxboro? Has the Steelers defense really improved? What impact will Devin Bush have in his inaugural regular season game? Is JuJu Smith-Schuster a true WR1? What about a Kam Kelly jumping from the AAF to starting against the defending champs?

With these questions, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this preseason contest:

  • Citing his earlier admiration for them, David DeCastro is seen chatting with the Minutemen during warmups.
  • Between the Football Night in America Studio Crew, Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth, the departed duo of Mr. Third and Fifth (Antonio Brown) and Butt Naked and Robbed (Le’Veon Bell) get mentioned over five times each during the entire broadcast.
  • After Ryan Switzer records pedestrian numbers on punt and kick returns, fans lament the Steelers failing to keep Diontae Spencer.
  • The aforementioned Spencer lands in the top five for both kick and punt return average after Monday Night Football vs. Da Raidahs.
  • Speaking of Oakland, Antonio Brown shows up on the Steelers’ sideline in uniform like nothing ever happened. It doesn’t work.
  • Devin Bush records the first tackle of 2019.
  • James Connor will fall short of 100 yards, but scores a TD.
  • Ben Roethlisberger has two scores through the air.
  • Bud Dupree...two of the Steelers’ three sacks on the evening.
  • JuJu Smith-Schuster scores a TD and performs an elaborate re-enactment of the Boston Tea Party.
  • The headphones at Gillette stadium remain in working order, however the Steelers coaching staff can only hear a mix of Le’Veon Bell rap tracks.
  • Coach Mike Tomlin cites the phrase “division of labor” thrice and refused to “paint with a broad brush” twice during the post-game presser.
  • The Steelers play well, but fall 33-29 in the opener.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.