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Steelers at Baltimore, Week 8: Bold and Bizarre predictions for Steelers vs. Ravens

Much to the chagrin of most, BTSC’s Nostradumbass predicts the Steelers’ Week 8 matchup with the Ravens.

Pittsburgh Steelers v Baltimore Ravens Photo by Scott Taetsch/Getty Images

It’s Ravens Week and the Steelers are looking to match the ‘78 team by starting 7-0. Facing their arch rivals, the Men of Steel face their toughest challenge of 2020. There are many questions to be answered first. With inquiries, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this opening contest.

Last week, I came close, but ultimately whiffed on most of my predictions. Let’s see if I can rebound this week.

  • Boujee Smith-Schuster, loose in Baltimore the night before the game, is not himself in pregame. JuJu’s dog claims that he simply got a hold of some bad crabs, but refuses to elaborate.
  • A large man wearing a custom Steelers Kylo Ren helmet is seen fleeing the Baltimore Ravens’ locker room with a duffle bag full of Justin Tucker’s kicking shoes bellowing, “Legatron, my space carcass. Let’s see you get it through the uprights with out these babies, Mother Tucker. In fact I could probably out-kick you. I can out-kick anybody”. After he recovers from his tasing, said-gentleman joins his buddies for a post-game show that you can listen to anywhere you can download your favorite podcasts.
  • This author finds it deep down in his heart to go on record calling the Ravens Head Coach “a classless wang”.
  • Ben Roethlisberger’s interception woes continue with two more against the ball-hawking Baltimore secondary. Marlon Humphrey and Chuck Clark each get a pick.
  • Despite employing Dez Bryant to their practice squad and assigning the aged wide receiver No. 11 to emulate Chase Claypool, the Ravens can’t stop the Canadian sensation who scores twice once on a pass and another on a run.
  • JuJu Smith-Schuster catches one of those TD passes from Ben and proceeds to shadow box Boujee with a George Foreman grill strapped to his tiny dog body. Boujee falls over and plays dead in tribute to the 46th anniversary of Muhammad Ali’s “Rumble in the Jungle” victory over the grilling pitch man in Zaire in 1974.
  • The Steelers fail to hold on to the football the entire game and the new turnover streak extends to two.
  • With plenty of attention being paid to JuJu and Chase Claypool, Diontae Johnson catches a touchdown pass from Ben Roethlisberger and ends up with 90 yards on the day.
  • James Conner goes in to gain over a combined 120 yards on the day with 90 yards rushing and 30 through the air.
  • Terrell Edmunds picks off Lamar Jackson for his second career interception.
  • The sack renaissance takes a step back for a second straight week as the Steelers only get to Lamar Jackson once on the afternoon. Stephon Tuitt picks up the stat for the Steelers.
  • The Steelers defense can’t keep Lamar Jackson out of the end zone on two occasions, but the superstar is held under 100 yards.
  • Hollywood Brown scores for B-More and is obnoxious about it.
  • This game goes back and forth and the Steelers don’t score over 30 for the second consecutive game. Justin Tucker kicks a last-second 52-yarder and the Ravens win by a score of 26-24.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.