It’s Jaguars Week and the Steelers are looking to inch closer to tying the historical head-to-head series (12-14) against Jacksonville and extend their perfect record to 10-0. With inquiries, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this contest.
Last week, I came close, but ultimately whiffed on most of my predictions. Let’s see if I can rebound this week.
- Knowing that Jacksonville is a Navy town, Boujee has a wild night partying with sailors and ends up starting a bar brawl with Jaguars fans that disparage his dad JuJu. Impressed with how his military friends had his back, Boujee ends up at the recruiting office and tears up the place once he learns that the USN has a strict-humans only policy.
- Ben Roethlisberger plays a flawless game in which he has 320 yards, four touchdowns and no interceptions on the afternoon.
- JuJu Smith-Schuster catches one of those TD passes from Ben and a giant cloud of smoke appears in the end zone as a giant cake with 24 candles surfaces. Emerging from the inside of the cake is JuJu himself to celebrate his 24th birthday. The Steelers are hit with a 15-yard celebration penalty as No. 19 cuts cake for everybody in the stadium. More fines are expected as this is considered a violation of Covid protocol and Bojee is not wearing a mask or gloves while distributing the baked goods.
- Continuing his assault on the Terrible Towel, Jags mascot Jaxson de Ville, attempts to revise his “towels carry ebola” gag from 2014 to reflect the current pandemic. Out of nowhere like a yinzer ninja, a slightly smaller Steelers fan wearing very tight game-worn pants and a custom Kylo Ren Steelers helmet administers a perfect RKO on the rude mascot. The helmet falls off during the courageous attempt to preserve the Myron Original’s dignity and reveals a very handsome man behind the mask. The valiant vigilante does not run away, but proudly saunters out of the stadium, with security too impressed and intimidated to apprehend him, as the crowd erupts in cheers.
- Chase Claypool moves closer to surpassing Randy Moss’ 17 touchdowns as a rookie with two on the day.
- The other Steelers touchdown reception is scored by Eric Ebron.
- Again, the Steelers hold on to the ball the entire game.
- James Conner reels off 70 yards on the day with a score.
- Mike Hilton makes his return to the gridiron, but Cam Sutton comes up with a pick.
- Alvin Dupree and Trent Jordan Watt combine on five of the Steelers’ seven sacks on the afternoon.
- Chris Boswell has one field goal on the day, but it’s from 50.
- Terrell Edmunds has a great afternoon again, but drops a sure interception.
- Avery Williamson and “Mick” Spillane combine for 15 tackles on the day.
- Ray-Ray McCloud has another super-long return, but the end zone continues to elude No. 14.
- The Steelers come out hot again and storm past the Jaguars by the score of 38-0.
Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.