Did you hear the news? Steelers receiver JuJu Smith-Schuster announced on Wednesday that he will no longer dance on the logos of opposing football teams!
Merry Christmas, Steeler Nation!
Suddenly, the Steelers three-game slide has been erased, they’re still undefeated and totally legit Super Bowl contenders again!
Smith-Schuster’s fumble against the Bengals, a play that was a direct result of him dancing on their logo before the game, never actually happened. Instead, Smith-Schuster absorbed the hit, stayed on his feet and raced 80 yards for a touchdown! The Steelers won the game, after all!!!!!
Happy Kwanzaa, Paul Brown Stadium, you home away from home, you. Why, look at you, I could eat you up!
JuJu’s realization that the world would have been better off had he never danced on logos has changed everything. Suddenly, quarterback Ben Roethlisberger’s right arm has life again! His accuracy on deep balls has been restored. The blood that used to pool on his game-day jersey after standing in the pocket and absorbing hit after hit has returned! Roethlisberger isn’t afraid to get hit anymore!
Happy Hanukkah, Big Ben’s bruises!
You know how opposing defenses began to scheme away Pittsburgh’s short-passing game? That never happened. Why? Because Roethlisberger never did it to begin with. That was all in a world where Smith-Schuster danced on opposing logos! I no longer have a grievance with JuJu. He’s seen the error of his ways. He’s a different man, and because of it, the Steelers are a different team!
Happy Festivus, social media!!!!!
Suddenly, the Steelers can run the football again! Those offensive linemen now love to block for the run, and when they do, why, you should see the push they get, especially on third or fourth and one! Offensive coordinator Randy Fichtner’s game-planning isn’t so predictable in a world where JuJu doesn’t dance on logos.
Happy Postseason, offensive balance!
The Steelers defense isn’t so battered and depleted in this non-logo dancing world. Devin Bush’s torn ACL never happened, because Smith-Schuster wasn't distracted with dancing on logos and was around to save it. Same holds true for Bud Dupree. T.J. Watt has his buddy back again!
Happy New Year, T.J’s lack of double teams!
Fans in the stands at Heinz Field. Fans on the grassy hillside at St. Vincent College. There was never a pandemic, because JuJu’s total focus on football prevented it.
Happy Opening Day, $17 beer!
The Chiefs are no longer unstoppable on offense. Patrick Mahomes is just another quarterback.
All because of JuJu's mettle!
There are now 8,000 reasons why the Steelers will win the Super Bowl!
It’s a miracle!!!!
Every time JuJu has his bell rung, a Steeler gets his Lombardi!
Happy Super Bowl, Steelers fans!!!