I live by one very simple code. Well, that’s not entirely true. I actually have found myself as having adopted thousands of different philosophies, I just choose what ever fits the climate at the time. This particular time of year, the weather men of NFL fandom is guaranteeing mostly sunny with a 100% chance of mock drafts.
Translation: Mostly cloudy with a 100% chance of pandemonium and amnesia on draft day when most “experts” quickly forget who they projected to each team. It’s a simple code: Never trust a fart, and never trust a mock draft.
The first one is self explanatory, we’ve all been there. Thank the heavens for dark trousers and the potent cocktail of Shout/Oxy-Clean. The last one, to quote the lyrical-genius that is Treach from Naughty By Nature in the 1991 not-so-monogamous classic “O.P.P.”, “Well that’s not that simple”.
NFL fans have been scammed for many a (Warren) moon when it comes to forecasting the draft. Sure, the top four or five might be obvious, but that’s not always for certain either. The experts don’t really know. Hell, the only thing Mel Kiper Jr. ever picked correctly is his toupee, and I don’t even know how good of a choice that was. Chad Reuter, Todd McShay and friends seem to do a new mock every 16 minutes. Even here at BTSC, we offer weekly predictions. Last week, I participated in one with Tony Defeo on the Steelers Q&A podcast and will be hosting one again this week for the live chat room to be the GM. I’m even working on a seven-round mock with undrafted free agents that will most likely not include a future Steelers’ player. Most draft prognosticators offer up so many different mocks so they can boast their one correct choice for each team as correct. It’s like Norm in accounting turning in 29 different March Madness brackets. Everybody hates Norm. Even Norm secretly loathes himself.
For the Steelers, this season has been linked to seemingly everybody not named Joe Burrow or Chase Young. I swear one mock draft had them picking up Danny Devito with the 49th pick, but that might be brain fatigue. The fact is mocks, albeit fun, are nothing but a guessing game. Some mockers just pull out a name that nobody else has, just to be innovative. I could name twenty different names that I’ve seen mocked to Pittsburgh at 49, but that would be a waste of both of your time and mine.
But then again we are in a quarantine and I love wasting your time. So here goes...
OLB Bradlee Anae - Utah
LB Josh Uche - Michigan
WR Jalen Raegor - TCU
WR Michael Pittman Jr. - USC
RB J.K. Dobbins - Ohio State
RB Jonathan Taylor - Wisconsin
QB Jalen Hurts - Oklahoma
DT Rashard Lawrence - LSU
TE Cole Kmet - Notre Dame
TE Hunter Bryant - Washington
WR KJ. Hamler - Penn State
OLB/DE Jon Greenard - Florida
DL Jordan Elliott - Missouri
OL Jonah Jackson-Ohio State
QB Jacob Eason - Washington
RB Cam Akers - Florida State
DT Marlon Davidson - Auburn
RB Clyde Edwards-Helaire- LSU
WR Leviska Shenault - Colorado
WR Denxzel Mims -Baylor
WR Brandon Aiyuk - Arizona State
And trading down for more picks
I guarantee that I missed some too.
Before the rest of you go off on “the author” in the comments about hating on all things NFL holy and grasping at straws to find material in the offseason (that part is true), know that I love mock drafts. Know that I crave mock drafts. Know that I can’t live without mock drafts. But know that I don’t trust them, just like I don’t trust what I so naively perceived to be my own flatulence over the years. I have a waste basket full of underwear that proves that sad point.