The current Coronavirus pandemic has gripped every corner of the world and refuses to let go even while being tackled to the ground (picture Antonio Brown catching a football before everyone hated him).
The sports world is certainly one corner that has been put in a sleeper-hold by this pandemic, complete with the total shutdown of every league, match and tournament you can name. But as sports talk radio personalities and writers/bloggers, we must soldier on. Are we essential? No, of course not. And that’s a good thing, too, considering all of the pandemic symptoms that seem to be unique only to us.
Are you a sports talk radio personality and/or writer/blogger that is concerned you may be experiencing symptoms?
Fear not. Below is a list of symptoms specific to your profession/hobby. (Disclaimer: Some of these symptoms have only been found in the Pittsburgh/Western Pennsylvania region during the ongoing pandemic.)
Fake March Madness Bracket Challenge
Radio personalities and sports writers have been known to watch, talk about and, in very severe cases, bet on the many fake March Madness brackets that have popped up during this pandemic. If you find yourself experiencing such symptoms, shut your computer off immediately and turn on ESPN’s 30 for 30 special about the Lakers and Celtics legendary rivalry.
Candy/TV Shows/Whatever Else Bracket Challenge
Some radio personalities and most writers/bloggers have created bracket challenges involving non-college basketball/non-sports things during this sports shutdown. Have you asked listeners or readers to create a Final Four involving Easter candy? How about sitcoms? What about a bracket about the best movie coach/manager? Really? My goodness. (Btw, the correct answer is Pop Fisher from the movie The Natural. I would have also accepted Lou Brown from the movie Major League.)
The 2013 National League Wildcard Game between the Pirates and Reds at PNC Park
Have you talked about this game during at least one radio segment a day since the pandemic started? Have you interviewed Greg Brown, Neil Walker, Bob Walk, the guy who has the baseball that Johnny Cueto dropped, Russell Martin, members of the 2013 Reds, some fans and anyone who was actually alive the last time the Pirates won a World Series?
Does this sound familiar to you? “I think it was the greatest sporting event I’ve ever attended live. You, Ron?” “In my opinion, it doesn’t get any better than that night at PNC Park. It’s like the crowd was right on top of you.”
You really, really think the Steelers should sign Jameis Winston
This is a severe pandemic symptom that has crippled many Pittsburgh sports personalities and even some on the national level. Do you wake up every morning hoping to hear news that the Steelers signed Wintson to be the backup to quarterback Ben Roethlisberger? Have you actually examined the salary cap and written articles about how the Steelers could make it work if they really wanted to? Have you been unfollowed on Twitter on a daily basis because you never stop talking about it? Do you interview at least one guest per day that is close to the Winston situation? Do you think Winston would be willing to just sit on the bench for two or three years and “learn” how to play the quarterback position by watching a guy you keep saying plays the game a lot like him?
You should go seek help immediately.
There are more important things than sports
Are you a sports talk host that constantly reminds fans that there are more important things than sports, and that anyone who doesn’t think so is an ignorant, dumb person—Michael Scott—Anthony Defeo? Do you preach to your listeners about having a little perspective....right after you rage over the Steelers punting situation?
If you do, you should immediately go and have a cookie.
Have you created more than five mock drafts? Have you read at least one mock draft every day since March? My goodness, me too.......oh, wait, I just did some research, and as it turns out, mock drafts are just a symptom of the common football offseason.
There you have it, the most common symptoms radio personalities and writers/bloggers have experienced during this total sports shutdown.
Pandemic is hell.