The first round of the NFL draft is now complete and in its virtual form, it came out a hitch. I absolutely love the draft. However, it’s still not the same when the Steelers don’t have a pic in the first round. Again putting it in perspective, I’ll still take Minkah Fitzpatrick, I’m not giving him back and it was worth sitting their impatiently waiting. When it comes to watching the draft any year when the Steelers aren’t on the clock, I vehemently pay attention to who goes to each of the three organizations that comprise the AFC North and consistently supplies Steeler fans 159 players to abhor.
So join me, won’t you, as I breakdown the new Northerners in my own bizarre, but highly effective manner.
Round 1, Pick 1
Cincinnati Bengals QB Joe Burrow - LSU - Senior 6’4”/221 LBS
Burrow has the makings of a great quarterback, even with those tiny hands. But he was drafted to a football city where QB dreams consistently go to die and the fans are the most fair weather and dunce-like in the world. In fact he may have ended up in the worst possible zip code. Without the fantastic weapons and solid protection that he saw in college, “Joe Exotic 2.0” may regret not going the Eli/Elway route by demanding a trade up front. Six games of facing nasty AFC North defenses in the form of the Ravens, Steelers and Browns may knock the putrid tiger stripes off this cool cats uniform. From a Steeler Nation perspective...He’s extremely accurate and can shred a defense, but I wouldn’t worry about the rookie thriving in that toxic environment. Don’t expect a bust, but don’t not expect No. 9 to get busted open. Enjoy the chili on your spaghetti Joe, because that’s the best thing that will happen to you in the next five years.
Steeler Nation Perspective...He sucks.
Round 1 Pick 10
Cleveland Browns select OT Jedrick Wills - Alabama - Junior 6’4”/312 LBS
Wills was dominant last season for Alabama and he’ll be a monster on the right side of the O-line, where he has vast experience. However, Cleveland has already declared that he’s moving him to the left side. Big mistake. That decision could get Baker Mayfield decapitated. From a Steeler perspective, it’s a great idea. I picture Bud Dupree welcoming him with great zest and waving as he blows by him the first time the Steelers meet the Browns in 2020. Playing right tackle in college is a lot different from playing left tackle on the professional level. I know, I know…Wills played in the SEC and Joe Thomas has offered to tutor the rookie. But the Browns have
Steeler Nation Perspective...He blows.
Round 1, Pick 28
Baltimore Ravens select ILB Patrick Queen - LSU - Junior 6’0”/229 LBS
How do I hate this pick? Let me count the $&#@*% ways. I hate this guy so much, I erased all traces of Freddie Mercury from every playlist I have ever downloaded. I despise this dude so much, I’m considering dislodging all of the crowns from my dentally-repaired pie hole. I even loathe this lad to the point that I’ll never eat a White Castle burger again. But the biggest reason I hate this pick is because it’s kind of perfect. Queen is crisp in coverage, can get to the QB in a hurry and goes sideline to sideline like nobody’s business, especially on passes out of the backfield. He is a great fit for Baltimorons to cheer incessantly even if he ends up (allegedly) murdering someone like that asshat they have a statue of at that stupid, purple-seated toilet that the a Ravens call home. Great selection. Dammit! Pass the Tylenol.
Steeler Nation Perspective...Complete jagoff