I don’t know why I’m feeling so cocky and arrogant that it would lead to me writing an article such as this.
Maybe it’s because I recently learned how to spell the name Chukwuma Okorafor without double-checking it on Google (except for this article if I know what’s good for me). Maybe it’s because I already wrote an article two years ago detailing the difference between James Conner, the Steelers fourth-year running back, and James Connor, some guy that gets referenced every single time someone wants to ask me a question about James Conner.
I thought I was making a difference, me, an influencer with nearly half-a-thousand followers on Twitter. But I guess my piece from two years ago did little to put a dent in the fans’ bad habit of getting Conner mixed up with that other guy who spells his last name like the first name of a kid who lives in the suburbs.
Had I known Mason Rudolph, the Steelers third-year quarterback out of Oklahoma State, would get so much playing time in 2019, I may have held off on my spelling article. You see, I’ve seen Rudolph’s last name spelled “Rudolf” so many times, it makes me wonder why more people don’t feel like taking two seconds to look stuff up on Google (or even Bing).
The Rudolf ordeal was especially painful to endure after he had his little run in with Miles Garret last November in Cleveland. I, of course, am referring to Browns star defensive end Myles Garrett, a man who will never have to worry about Rudolph spelling his name wrong on a Christmas card.
You know who cheats a lot? Patriots head coach Bill Belecheck. Actually, I don’t know who that guy is, but Bill Belichick has certainly been caught cheating more than would seem necessary for the coaching genius of all coaching geniuses. Wait a second, now that I think about it, I’m surprised more people haven’t accidentally spelled Belichick’s last name the right way in an attempt to be derogatory—then again, maybe they have.
You know what makes so many people angry about Belichick, the head coach with the most Lombardi trophies in NFL history with six? That he’s considered a better head coach than Chuck Knoll, the late, great Steelers legend who spent many seasons at the top of the mountain with four.
Whoops, after double-checking on Google (and even on Bing), I now realize that there is no K in Noll.
I may call him Chaz Noll. I may refer to him as the Emperor. But if I ever call him Chuck Knoll, I will be called out by someone on social media—or maybe I won’t, sadly.
Finally, what have we learned here, today? That I’m cocky and arrogant. Also, if there’s ever a day in-which James Conner breaks the Steelers single-game rushing mark, and he does so on “Chuck Noll Day” at Heinz Field, and he does so in a game in-which Mason Rudolph starts at quarterback and has another thing with Myles Garrett, and this all happens on a day that Bill Belichick gets caught videotaping the Steelers sidelines, I may have to smash my laptop.