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Steelers at Broncos, Week 2: Bold and Bizarre predictions for Steelers vs. the Broncos

Much to the chagrin of most, BTSC’s Nostradumbass predicts the Steelers’ matchup with the Broncos.

Cleveland Browns v Pittsburgh Steelers Photo by Justin Berl/Getty Images

The Steelers are back at home and looking to start 2020 at 2-0, but there are many questions to be answered.

Will the roster be managed correctly when the inactive list comes out? How will the right side of the Steelers offensive line hold up? Will James Conner get the start or will Coach T go with the hot hand, Benny Snell Jr.? Will the unfathomable 24-game streak of the Steelers committing a turnover continue? Can the Steelers secondary rebound after being put on an island last week?

With these questions, story lines, and more, I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this opening contest.

Last week, I came close, but ultimately whiffed on most of my predictions. Let’s see if I can rebound this week.

  • Boujee Smith-Schuster, having been denied the honor of singing the Star Spangled Banner, seeks revenge by becoming amorous with Art Rooney II’s leg during warmups.
  • A large man wearing a Steelers-customized Kylo Ren helmet is seen sneaking into Heinz Field a few hours before the game. Moments before being tazed, the gentleman is heard bellowing “the game day roster spots are different this year. for the love of Preston Gothard...use the appropriate spots allocated to you. Don’t screw it up this week!”.
  • For the second consecutive week, the Steelers find a way to not use the full allocation of game day spots when the inactive list comes out.
  • Ben Roethlisberger is sacked three times on the afternoon, but throws for two scores against zero interceptions.
  • JuJu Smith-Schuster catches one of those TD pass from Ben. Despite no crowd, JuJu still manages to wow the fans at home by grabbing Boujee, putting a long-haired blonde wig on both himself and his pooch and belts out the song (Can’t Live Without Your) Love And Affection. The performance honors both the 30th anniversary of that song hitting No. 1 and the 53rd birthday of the tune’s artists, twins Matthew and Gunnar Nelson.
  • The Steelers’ hold on to the football and the turnover streak ends at 24 games.
  • Eric Ebron catches seven balls in his Heinz Field debut, including the game-winning score in the fourth quarter.
  • Joe Haden and Mike Hilton both record interceptions of Drew Lock.
  • T.J. Watt gets back on the sack train with two. All in all, the Steelers take down Lock on five separate occasions.
  • James Conner gets the start to the stunned silence of the cardboard cutouts in the stands.
  • Speaking of the photo-processed fans, a fight breaks out when one cutout pulls a box cutter on a fellow standup sporting an Elway jersey. The subsequent incineration isn’t nearly as harsh as the revoking of their seat licenses.
  • Renegade is played, despite the lack of fans.
  • It isn’t absolutely the prettiest of contests, but the Steelers raise their record to 2-0 with a 24-19 victory.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.