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Steelers vs. Browns, Week 17: Bold and Bizarre predictions for Cleveland hosting Pittsburgh

Much to the chagrin of most, BTSC’s Nostradumbass predicts the Steelers’ Week 17 clash with the Browns.

Indianapolis Colts v Pittsburgh Steelers Photo by Joe Sargent/Getty Images

The decimated roster (some of it self-administered) of the Pittsburgh Steelers will travel to Cleveland for a Week 17 collision with the Browns. While a win is not necessary, the Steelers are playing for momentum and to keep Cleveland at lake for the playoffs. I’ve compiled a list of predictions (some basic, and some utterly idiotic) to look for in this contest.

Last week, I came close, but ultimately whiffed on most of my predictions. Let’s see if I can rebound this week.

  • Boujee Smith-Schuster bathes in a cocktail of Aqua Velva and Old Spice before the contest. However, JuJu’s pooch is chagrined to find out their are no actual skanky female hounds hanging out in the Dog Pound to sniff. Boujee declares war on Cleveland.
  • The Steelers do not start the game with a three-and-out.
  • Ray-Ray McCloud breaks a long one, but fails to take it to the house.
  • Chase Claypool has two touchdowns on the day and James Washington gets the other,
  • The offensive line does not keep Mason Rudolph clean by giving up 3 sacks. Two of them are achieved by the Myles Garrett. The closest Garrett goes to No. 2’s helmet is a pat on it.
  • Browns quarterback Baker Mayfield is sacked 2 times by the Steelers defense. Alex Highsmith gets one of them, while Mike Hilton records the other.
  • Mayfield celebrates like a butthole on more than one occasion during the game.
  • JuJu Smith-Schuster does not catch a TD pass. It is a shame because he can’t dance to celebrate the 133rd anniversary of the wax drinking straw, the 62nd anniversary of Alaska becoming a state and the 38th anniversary of this author’s two cousins and uncle appearing as the plaintiff and witnesses on The People’s Court.

Note: Judge Wapner ruled in favor of my family members, all Steeler fans.

  • The offense is somewhat revitalized by 120-plus yard effort in total yardage by James Conner.
  • A man wearing a custom Steelers Kylo Ren is spotted in the Pittsburgh locker room pouring an entire jar of stick-um inside and an entire bottle of canola oil on top of Mason Rudolph’s helmet.
  • Minkah Fitzpatrick get a Steelers interception. Cameron Sutton gets the other one.
  • Reluctantly, Mike Tomlin allows Matthew Wright to attempt a field goal. He does not make it and it proves fatal.
  • The Steelers lose 23-20, but take pride with how they played with many key players out.

Will any of this actually happen? I’ll bet at least one or two. Heck, maybe every one of them. Be sure to post your predictions — basic or bizarre — below.